Awkward Moments and Travel Stories | Smile Till Sehri 2.0 | Stand-Up Comedy by Usman Mazhar

Ajeeb o ghareeb se.

Phir woh ciggerate piyo tou kehtayhain 'Oh pehlay aap chhiko'.

Main us k muh pe hi cheenk diya.

Bura maan gaya.

Hello everyone! Kya haal hai?Are you guys having fun? Great! So how many of you were here atlast year's 'Smile Till Sehri'? Acha it's not a classroom tou taaliyanbaja k batayein.

Theek hai? Yes, that's right! Aap log tou buhat enjoy kar rahay hotay hain.

Peechhay kya haal ho raha hota hai.

Woh ek alag hi mahaul hota hai.

It's like a board exam.

Humara yahan viva ho raha hota hai.

Aur sab apna material suna rahay hotay hain.

Bas farq ye hai k exam k viva mein hum teacher ko apni.

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exam ki taiyari suna rahay hotay hainjis pe woh hans raha hota hai.

Yahan hum aap ko zindagi ki khwaari batarahay hotay hain.

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jis pe aap hans rahay hotay hain.

But it's good to laugh.

I've laughed at the most awkward places.

Like funerals.

Haan.

Ek dafa ek khatoon, woh rishtedaar hai.

Un k husband ki death ho gayi.

Aur wohi jo typical rona hota hai.

Un k bhai un ko dilasa de rahay hain.

Lekin woh sarcastic tareen jo insaan hota hai na.

Woh dilaasa de rahay hain Aur woh ro rahi hain.

'Haye chalay gaye' 'Mujhay bhi saath le jaatay' Ab woh dilaasa kya de rahay hain.

'Aye.

Aisa thori hota hai?' Kabhi ek ball pe 2 wickets giri hain? Masjidon mein hansi aa gayi hai namaaz se pehlay.

Mutlub woh hota hai na, standard procedure chal raha hota hai.

Imam namaaz se pehlay: 'Safhay durust kar lein, darmiyan mein jaga na chhorein' Us hi doraan mein mic mein spark aa gaya.

Ab woh aisa chal raha tha: 'Safhay durust kar lein, darmiyan mein jaga na chhorein' 'Oh Bhen****' Peechhay hum saaray confused.

'Wuzu kis ko karna ho ga?' Aur humaray tarawiyan bhi bari ajeeb si hoti thi.

Puranay zamany ki baat hai.

Peechhay hum log khel rahay hotay thay.

Namaz join karnay ka maximum time hota tha.

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k jab rukuh mein banda chala jaye, phir bhaag k puhanch jaatay thay.

Us se pehlay peechhay masoom khel: pakran pakrayi, chhupan chhupayi, baraf pani.

Jab aap ko apni zindagi ki pehli mohabbat ho jaati hai.

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Jab ek larki aap ko baraf se paanikar deti hai apni jaan pe khel k.

'Is ne meray liye itna risk liya hai!' Tou is tarha k tarawiyon mein maslay hotay thay.

Aagay ja k main namaz nahi parhta tha Kyun k us ka pehla masla ye hota tha k Imamsahab ki dakaron se pata chal jaata tha k unhon ne iftaar mein kya khaya hai.

'Aaj fruit chaat.

Kaali mirch!' Aur phir dosra masla ye hota tha k rush itna hota tha k.

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agar sajday mein se uthtay huay aap ki timing thori off ho gayi na saamne walay se.

Tou woh ek awkward position.

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I mean situation ho jaati hai.

Hum peechhay parh rahay hotay thay taraweeh Aur us mein ye hi hota tha k jaise hi rukuhhui.

Ab hum bhaagtay huay puhanchay hain.

Tou mera dost bhi meray saath puhancha hai.

Tou ek buzurg thay.

Phir main aaya.

Phirwoh aaya.

Aur us k saath koi bhi nahi Ab normal rukuh mein ja rahay hain.

Allah o Akbar! Main yun gaya hoon, woh kaise ja raha hai.

Aap ko hansi aaye gi aisi situation mein.

Main ne kaha hansi aa rahi hai.

Is ko camouflage kar do khaansi k saath Tou woh kuch aise chal raha tha.

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Jaise hi salaam phairnay ki baari aayi, main ne yun salam phaira Yun salam phaira.

Ye walay uncle yunhi phassay huay thay.

'Tum log yahan zaleelapun kameenapun karnay aatay ho?!' 'Zaleelapun' kya hota hai? But I was an innocent child.

Buhat innocent sa, woh hotay hai na bilkul.

Jahan rakh do waheen paray huay hain Shave nikal aayi baithay baithay Tou ek dafa is hi tarha amma commode pe bitha k chali gayi.

Bhool gayi! Ab main ammi ko kaise bula raha hoon? Ammi aaiye Ammi aaiye Is se zyada awaaz tou neechay downfall ki ho jaani hai.

But phir thora sa baray huay.

Thora pata chala ma'aloomaton ka.

Abbu ki ma'aloomati filmon ka pata chala.

Tou hum ne kaha thori setting banatay hain.

Saaray chalay jayein tou lagatay hain.

Time note kiya hua tha.

VCR ka zamana tha.

Tou direct puhanch bhi nahi saktay thay.

Ab lagaya hai.

Dekh rahay hain.

Phir ye bhi check karna hai k koi aa tou nahi raha.

Tou phir bhaag k ja kar check kar rahayhain k bahar koi aa tou nahi raha Phir bhaag k ja kar film dekh rahay hain.

Phir bhaag k ja kar dekh rahay hain koi aa tou nahi raha.

Bhaag k ja kar film dekh rahay hian.

Ab aap log soch rahay hongay:'Is mein banda kaise enjoy kar raha hota hai? Banda us waqt enjoy nahi kar raha hota hai.

Banda us waqt yaad kar raha hota hai! Raat tou apni hai na! Dimaag mein film chala lein gay.

'Ab woh aayi!''Ab woh aaya!' Tou stand-up comedy mein bhi logon k ajeeb reaction aatay hain.

Lekin Allah ka lakh lakh shukar hai Allah ne bara saath diya.

Got to travel a lot last year.

Kaafi jaga'on pe gaya.

Jaise Lahore gaya.

Lahore aap jayein wahan k log itni khatir daari 'Aaye ji aaye.

Oh lassi, oh paratha.

Oh saag, oh baithein jee.

Oh ye, oh woh.

Bhaee Karachi walon ko ye kaam shady lagta hai.

'Ye bila wajah ki izzat kyun de raha hai?' 'Is ko yaqeenan hum se koi kaam ho ga' Aur phir un ko aap ghalti se bata doaap stand-up comedy.

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'Ah jee kya? Stand-up comedy?''Oh comedy kartay hain.

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' 'Oh main batata hoon.

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'Khud shuru ho jaatay hain.

And we have different cultures.

Un k bhi terms alag hain.

Humaray bhi alag hain.

Woh log shugal boltay hain.

Hum log tafreeh boltay hain.

But woh thora zyada, un ki detailed hoti hai.

Like singular plural bhi hotahai un k slang terms mein Singular: YakkiPlural: Yaenn 'Oo ne yaenn macha diya hai' Muzakkar mo'annas bhi kartay hain.

Kanjara, kanjari.

Ajeeb o ghareeb se.

Phir woh ciggerate piyo tou kehtayhain 'Oh pehlay aap chhiko'.

Main us k muh pe hi cheenk diya.

Bura maan gaya.

Phir hum Islamabad gaye.

Islamabad! Beautiful place! Kya zabardast jaga hai.

Bas ye masla tha, main 10 bajay puhancha tou mujhay laga hartaal hai yahan pe.

Ab tou phir bhi bara ho gaya haiun ka airport.

Pehlay tou aisa airport tha, aap angrayi loaur aap airport se bahar aa jao gay.

Itna sa airport tha.

Pauday itnay hain yaar.

Itnay Karachi meinlog nahi hain, jitnay wahan pauday hain.

Itnay pauday hain, wahan k log bhi pauday jaise ho gaye hain 'Kya haal hai bro?' But paani tou be-inteha hai.

Bhaee har jagah paani.

Deewar pe haath maaro wahan se paaninikal aaya.

Har jaga se paani aa raha hai Karachi walon ko paani ki kitni qadar hai! Hum tou apnay AC ka paani bhi recycle kar rahay hotay hain Aur ghalti se paani aa jaye tou humara'Lagaan' wali team ka haal ho jaata hai.

'Bhararra Bhararra, bhar bhar har pateela'Baawlay ho jaatay hain hum.

Last year we went to Dubai.

And then Hunza.

Dubai gaya.

Mutlub, Dubai.

The land of the cleanest toilets! To Hunza.

Mutlub Hunza phir bhi behtar hai.

But northern areas, where there are no toilets Mutlub Dubai k tou itnay saaf o shafaaftoilets hain k aap ka mood hibadal jaata hai.

'Nahi yaar!' 'Is paak jagah ko ganda nahi kar sakta' Aur northern areas k toilets aise hotayhain, aap ko lagta hai k 'Kaheen apnaykaarnamay pe hi na gir jaon' But northern areas mein best cheez Hunza hai.

Hunza se achhi koi jagah hi nahi.

You know why?Because of the People! Itnay nice! Itnay nice.

Hum dukaan mein gaye, wohpooch raha hai 'Sir bataye please agarkoi masla ho, koi kisi ne tung kiya ho?' 'Aap ko maza aa raha hai?'Aur ye aur woh.

Main ne kaha 'Wah yaar!' Mutlub Hunza k log itnay nice hain, lagta hai saaray Kolachi k waiter hain!.