-Well, I don't needto tell you that the final “Game of Thrones”aired on Sunday night, but there is onelast chapter yet to be written.
Here it is, the final”Game of Jones.
” -[ Imitates dramatic music ] ♪♪ -Are you ready for this, Leslie?-I'm ready, baby! -Thank you fortaking this ride with me.
I feel, right now, likethe end of “Thelma & Louise.
” We're in the car together.
We're in the convertible.
We're about to go off the cliff.
-I'm not going off the cliff.
That's somecrazy white-woman stuff.
-You're gonna roll outat the last minute.
-Exactly.
I'm gonnawatch you go off the cliff.
And then I'm gonna be like, “Damn, he was a great partner.
” And then I'm gonna drive offand find somebody else.
-I'll take it.
-Yeah.
Look at this.
Look how sad he look.
-Yeah.
-♪ This used to bemy playground ♪ ♪ This used to bemy childhood dream ♪ -Who's this fella? -Okay, this is youcoming back from Vegas.
You know what I'm saying? Like, on the way to Vegas, you're like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah!” On the way back from Vegas, you like, “Oh [bleep] I'm going to have toborrow $15.
” -I think I maybe lostall the skin on my back.
-Where is my car? Look at this dude justsitting there like, “She burnt everything.
” -Yeah.
-“Everything.
” -He probablyjust bought that place.
He'd been renting.
He just bought it.
-He look likehe had just hung a painting and was like, “Oh, God, this is so.
.
.
” [ Growling ] -In the name of the one truequeen, Daenerys Targaryen, I sentence you to die.
-This [bleep]This what I didn't understand.
How come they justcouldn't look up and go, “Okay, well, we serve Daenerys now”? -Oh, I would be saying — Theamount I'd be talking right now, “Oh, I'm so sorry!Oh, I'm so sorry!” -“Daenerys is my Queen.
Daenerys is my Queen.
Daenerys is my Queen.
“-Oh, no! Oh, I'm so sorry.
” -It's snowing from ash, homey.
-Yeah.
-That's body ash, too, so that's people's bodies.
-Well, it was alreadydistressing, and you made it10 times more now.
-So that means that that snow that's coming downis, like, dandruff, but body dandruff.
I thought there'd bemore smashed up heads, too.
Like, you can't justfind them under the — Ooh, there goes Cersei's face.
She died withher incest brother.
-It is amazing how you are happyto see them with each other, last episode.
-You was happy to see that?-I was happy to see it.
And I completely ignoredthey were twins.
.
.
-I didn't.
-.
.
.
who had sex, with kids.
Multiple kids.
-[Bleep] ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ That [bleep] was like some”Snow White, ” like, cartoon.
You know how the cartoon andthe chick had the black thing, and she walked kind of –Ooh, that was some old — -That was good.
-That-bitch-turned-into-a-crowtype [bleep] Look at her.
And let me tell you something.
She got the ultimate.
.
.
♪ Baby, I'm sorry ♪ ♪ I'm not sorry ♪ ♪ I burnt all these bitches ♪ ♪ I'm not sorry ♪ [ Speaking Dothraki ] -This looks like one of thosereally bad stand-up gigs where they're like, “Here's the deal.
The stage is really far away.
It's outdoor.
No microphone.
Half the audience is on horses.
” -“Half the audienceis on horses.
You gonna have to playtowards the back.
Play towards the back.
The Dothraki — they love jokes.
They unsullied in the front –not so much.
” -It's against their –They're not allowed to laugh.
-The way they laugh, they laugh by doing this.
They go.
.
.
-It's a 45-minute set, and when they laugh, they go.
.
.
[ Grunts ] -“Oh, also, I'm sorry.
Before you go out, they speaktwo different languages.
Have fun.
And the stageis really far away.
You really got to project.
” [ Speaking Dothraki ] -[ Speaks Dothraki ] Somebody say that to me, I'd be like, “Bitch, what did you say?” -Also, I thought that wasa job he already had.
I feel like she promoted him —Exactly.
She just promoted himfrom manager to manager.
Watch this.
Watch this.
Watch this.
Watch this.
♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ ♪ Don't work'round here no more ♪ ♪ You and your dragoncan kiss my ass ♪ ♪ I'm walking out the door ♪ Oh, look –they stopped clapping.
-They were like, “The pin!He threw the pin!” -“Oh [bleep] Did this bitchjust throw the pin?” ♪♪ And look –where's she walking to? 'Cause she obviously burnteverything down.
So she ain't got no place — Damn, Arya, wherethe [bleep] you come from? Look, they still walking.
They need to get hera golf cart or something, 'cause that's a long-ass walk.
-I think she did that thingwhere you walk off, like, powerfully.
Like, “Bye, Jon Snow.
” And then you forgethow long a walk it is.
-The moment the gates fell, the battle was over.
-She saw her friend beheaded.
-Why is he defending her?Is — Why is he defending her? Tell me.
From a man's side.
-Well, you know, his last girlfriend died.
I think he's worried.
Once you havetwo girlfriends die, it's so hard to geta third girlfriend.
People say, “What happened toyour last girlfriend?” “Died.
” “What aboutthe one before that?” “Died.
Anyway.
.
.
” -Anyway, you want some more nachos? ♪♪ That's his auntie!-They're happy.
-Aah! I swear to God, if Uncle Emerever tried to kiss me like that, I'm calling the police! ♪♪ -Oh! Did you see that?[ Laughs ] Ah! He stabbeded it in her.
♪ He stabbeded her, her ♪ Yeah, bitch, that's a knife in ya.
That's a knife in ya.
-Oh.
-I'm tellingyou, that's unexpected.
Like, I did not expect Jonto have the guts to do this.
-Why are you, like, so upset about someone kissing their aunt, but totally finewith someone killing their aunt? -Because that bitch needs to go.
Look at the dragon.
Dragon like, “Bitch, wait a minute.
Is that my mama?Get away from my mama! Get away from my mama!” -If somebody stabbed mein my house, my dog wouldn't get outof her bed.
-Man, my dog would be like, “I'm so gladyou stabbed that bitch.
That bitch always –She never feeds me on time.
I'm always hungry.
” Look — he about to burn the[bleep] out of Jon ass.
Man, I would be[bleep] all bricks.
There would be three [bleep]bricks right in front of me.
Aaaah! “Why you kill my mama?! [Bleep] this throne!Raaaah!” You know what he doing? ♪ How do I say goodbye?! ♪ -If Danny doesn't getthe throne, nobody gets it.
-No one gets it.
“If my mama can't have it, can't nobody can have it.
” -Where is Jon?-He is our prisoner.
-So is Lord Tyrion.
They were both to be broughtto this gathering.
-But look how dopeSansa looks, though.
-Is this, like, a parole hearing? -This is like — I guess.
You know, these is allthe [bleep] that's left.
-Have you changed your ways?-Have you.
.
.
-What was that?-I don't know who that is.
-No, the one on the left.
Is that the Robin Arryn? -Who is that Robin Arryn? -The guy who used to breast-feedon his mom in the vail.
-Oh! Oh! That's so gross!-But he looks good now.
-[Bleep] of course.
He got about 6 ounces of[bleep] breast milk in him.
-Yeah, look howstrong his bones look.
-Oh, gross.
-The decision aboutwhat's best for everyone should be left to.
.
.
well, everyone.
-He's pitching democracy?-Is he's pitching democracy? No.
-Talk about a placethat is rife for voter fraud.
No one here has photo I.
D.
I mean, how would it even work? -You talking about voter fraud.
Oh, my God.
-“Yeah, I'mGlyn of the Grasslands.
” “All right.
I'll take your word for it.
All right.
” -Aye.
-Aye.
-“I drank breast milktill I was 14.
” Bran!-You're a king now.
-You're a king now, Bran.
-Give us a little [bleep] Bran.
-If this mother[bleep] smiles, Iswear to God I'll pass out.
-You got to put your faceon money now.
-You got a cute littleblue cape on.
You got to putyour face on money.
I do not want noBran-face coins.
-I'd like two bottles of wine.
Do you take Bran? -No!We hate Bran-faced coins here.
Oh! Now, this is funny.
[ Laughs ] She got to write aboutJaime Lannister.
“This is the story abouta one-handed [bleep] boy who [bleep] left me out in thesnow in my housecoat.
[Bleep] He took my virginity.
Took my virginity andjust rode off with one hand.
” -I'm interested, if what you just said airs, how much of it was a beep andif we heard any words.
-Man, I don't give a [bleep] -This is like someonewho went off to college, but ended up backin his hometown.
-Like, he gotkicked out and [bleep] -They're like, “How was Harvard?” -“I got caught selling meth tosome of the students.
” And look –that's his dad like, “Yep.
I knew you wasn'tgonna make it.
” -“Welcome back, Harvard.
Guess you're back withthe family business now.
” -“Yeah, mother[bleep]Let's go make some steel.
” -Well, there they go.
-Yeah, people aredisappointed about the ending.
-All right, well, talk to me about that.
Do you — What do you feel aboutpeople who didn't like it? -I think that they need togrow the — take a big glass of growthe [bleep] up, because “Game of Thrones”is not real.
-I'm going to miss ussitting here and watching the show together.
-Aww! -Leslie, thank youfor doing this with me.
-Thank you, baby.
We'll find something else.
-Should we do “Chernobyl”? -What the [bleep]is a “Chernobyl”? What's that?What's “Chernobyl, ” white folks?.
