– We're sitting here in Miami South Beach about to shoot into a video on the topic of your joy and the delusion that you have, that when you get the things that you want as far as your reputation or material objects, that somehow some way you're gonna find that inner freedom, that inner happiness, that inner joy, that inner light.
That lightness that just makes you walkthrough the world with ease.
That fun that you want.
And what we're gonna do is we're gonna burstthat bubble a little bit and ask you a question.
And that question is, is it possible that maybe those things thatyou think would make you happy are actually the very thingsthat are holding you back? Is it possible that thosethings that you're chasing are actually pimping you and putting you in a bizarre, freaky, codependentrelationship with those things and separating you from the happiness thatis your birthright? In this video, sittinghere in Miami South Beach, we're gonna ask you that.
We're gonna go deep and open your eyes to the core truth of your life.
(upbeat music) – So let's start byintroducing the idea of the ego and how it plays into this, okay? What is the ego? It's basically that's within you, there's a splits and you're attached to onlybeing certain parts of yourself and you're resisting other parts, okay? We all have this split.
Do the way that we're conditioned or attached to this idea of ourselves and all the things that are unacceptable that we'd been told, “That's not good.
“That's not you.
“You're not gonna survive if you're that.
” We disowned them and welive our lives that way.
Now, many of the thingsthat you want here, you're like, “I want a Lambo, “I want money, “I want approval.
You know, “I want peopleto look at me right now “And just think, “Wow, that guy's cool.
” You know, walking down this mall with that swagger, (Owen laughing) you know, look at everyone.
Yeah, “He's so cool.
” You know, we think thatthat will make us happy when in reality, a lot of those thingsare driven by this ego, by this split, by this attachment and resistance and in reality, you evengetting those things just increases that ego.
You double down on it and things become a lot heavier, okay? And this is an easy way to tell if you're run by your ego or not.
How heavy is your experience of you? You know, there's a famous saying, “Ego equals efforts.
” Okay? Ego equals efforts.
So what you just said inthe introduction is so key 'cause we think thatsucceeding will make us happy, free and light.
But what does it do? It reinforces the heaviness.
In reality, it's whenthat thing you're craving, you're lacking, you're needing is taken away from you, you have a chance if you take it to move up and become lighter.
– I mean, even break thisdown as far as your image of when you'd be completely free and loose and having fun and smiling and everything's going great.
I want you to imagine, right now you're in your best clothes and you've stepped out of a Lamborghini and you're walking intothe best party in town and all these super cooland beautiful people.
– Food's thrown at you.
– Oh yeah.
– They're walking up to you- Money's thrown at you.
(laughs) – Everything's just perfect, right? Just think of your perfect life.
Maybe you came from floorseats at the Lakers game.
That'd be my perfect life.
(laughs) And so basically, you'd imagine that whenyou're in that situation, you'd walk around and you're getting allthis social reinforcement of how great you are.
And at that moment, you'd feel really happy.
You'd feel really free.
You'd feel like you can act how you want.
You'd feel like you canbehave from your core and be that person that you wanna be.
And here's why I mentioned this.
Ultimately that feelingof freedom and lightness and happiness and jokingaround and being goofy and just sorta taking in all the moment, that's really what you want more than even just theLambo itself, right? The Lambo, you're just in a car and you know, at, in ahundred years from now, it's conceivable that aLamborghini will be like the crappiest car.
– Yeah.
– In the world.
'Cause do keep this in mind.
This is a subtle point.
Human beings, we tend torespond more to relative wealth than absolute wealth because the average poorperson today has accent.
I mean, just if you look around you here in this mall area, the Lincoln Road Mall here in Miami.
The average poor person who has access to many of these facilities has access to more than a King or Queen from two or 300 years ago.
– Sure.
– But if there's somebodywho's richer relatively, they have more relative wealth, that poor person might feel more deprived than the King or Queen thought, right? It's not absolute wealth, it's relative wealth.
So the relative wealth, creates sort of a halo effect and that halo effectactually hypnotizes the mind and you think that you need that in order to be light and free.
Now, as a funny side notetoo or here in Miami, the show that made mereally, really realize this was actually “Miami Vice.
” So if you watch “Miami Vice”, I believe it was shot in the 80s and what you see, I think it's Don Johnson's- Don Johnson.
the main character and.
.
.
– And.
.
.
– Yeah, and he's wearing, this is what's kindafunny about “Miami Vice.
” You might not even know this, unless someone one tells you.
I didn't even know initially.
He's driving the best Porsche for the 80s.
He's wearing the best suits.
– Yeah.
– For the 80s.
Like the suits and the glamorous clothes, the designer clothes, was the best stuff.
I think he's even datingthe most attractive women from the 80s, right? A very different look thantoday's attractive woman.
Very, very different look.
And if you watch it now, the car that he's driving by a way of looking at it, depending how you feel about it, is actually less nice than a car that somebody would drive now.
The clothes that he's wearing are less cool.
than the clothes that somebody- Yeah.
now would be wearing, right? So what's funny is thatthere's a halo effect of that relative wealth because if you arewearing those same clothes from the 80s, from “Miami Vice” or the car, I mean to be fair youmight feel super cool 'cause you feel retro and nostalgic and like you know “MiamiVice” it'd be pretty awesome.
But there's a relative wealththere, there's a halo effect.
And what happens, is that you start to think like these things hold thekeys to your happiness.
They actually, it's like you're in jail and they hold the keys.
Like if you don't have those things, you can't experience thatlightness, that freedom, that ease of just enjoying life.
Because again, we havemany wealthy friends who have a lot of theseincredibly powerful superficial things.
Reputation, material objects, all that different stuff and their lives are incredibly heavy.
I mean, you'll even see people- Yeah.
who have a very attractive partner and you know, you'd think in your mind if you don't have an attractive partner, like if I just had that, thou, I would get anything for that.
– Yeah.
– And little do you realize that even people with attractive partners can be completely miserable and it is a halo effect.
And so you're thinking in your mind, if I could just get those keys, if I could just get the keys, suddenly I'd feel joy, I'd feel happy.
I would just let loose.
I'd start dancing.
But what you don't realize that ironically by the time that you get those things, you're so attached to them that you're spending most of your life just holding onto them.
– Just trying to preserve them- Oh, yeah.
and the ego is in defense mode when, what's funny, we call it the competitive versus collaborative frame and when you're in thecollaborative frame having fun, that's actually wherethe lightness comes from.
And so what we see is evenin third world countries, a lot of people that are poor will have, like evenfrom myself and Julien, who have really, really actively studied how to be happy, how to have more fun, all that kinda stuff.
There's people in third world countries.
I've been to Africa, I've been to South America, I've been to Mexico.
There's people down there living in.
.
.
When it gets to poor, it can be very sad.
They're just miserable.
Let's, let's be honest when, what is destitute and hopeless but we've definitely seenit in these poor areas.
Like you go down to Rio de Janeiro, – Yeah.
– People are dancing, laughing.
It's so different, thevibe in Rio de Janeiro than in a Hollywood club where they're sitting there tryna look cool for Chris Brown and Drake.
– And all stiff, yeah.
– You know, like looking at their phone, trying to see what the reputation is, trying to figure everything out.
You see somebody in Rio, they're just dancing.
They look at America, they're like, “What is wrong with these people? “They have been robbed of their joy.
” – Right.
– And so you're thinking in your mind that your joy is gonna finally come when you have all the stuff.
It is a halo effect of relative wealth.
You thinking that you need it.
You are being pimped by this and you don't realize this, often when the stuffis taken away from you that you'll find your greatest happiness.
– Yeah, I love that point you said too where even if you get it, you're just gonna be soworried about losing it.
And this is key to reflect on.
You know, you thinkyou want that approval, as soon as you get it, you double down on it.
You become even more paranoid.
Just like in those clubs, you know.
Those famous people in the clubs, just look at how stiff they are.
You know, those peoplefinally made it to the top like, “All eyes are on me.
” Now, it's like, “Oh my God, all the eyes are on me.
“More pressure.
” And now it's like, “Did someone look away? “Did someone look away?” They're same with money.
You'll see someone like, “I need a lot of money.
“I need a lot of money.
” And say they actually get that money, are they happier? No.
Now they're worried about losing it and they become even moreobsessed with the money, okay? So this, like you said, is a halo effect.
This strategy doesn't work.
Even reflecting back on your life, at all the things you thoughtwould finally complete you.
You know, those are the keys.
How many times have youbeen deceived, right? Like think about it.
How many times have you been deceived? Look at, make a list.
– How much of your life if you audited have you spent- Yeah.
tryna feed into thispimp dynamic on yourself? – I mean, that's the life for most people.
It's like this continuous, just deceivement.
Like this'll work, no, it did it.
This will work, no, it didn't.
This will work, no, it didn't.
Why are you so stubborn? Like look around, everyone here, “Oh, I'm gonna buy the new thing.
“This'll work.
“This'll work.
“That'll work.
” It won't, okay? So stop being so naive.
That there, even if you get what you want, more ego, more heaviness, it doesn't work, okay? Now on the flip side though, as you said, it's when those thingsget taken away, you know, whatever you care about the most, whatever you think will save you the most when it gets taken away, there's an opportunity for true growth.
And the most common one, you know, that society is reallychasing is that validation, that approval.
And that is somethingthat personally ran me for most of my life.
I was so obsessed to the point where, you could even argue I was obsessed, you know, more than most where I was always micromanaging everyone's perception- Oh, yeah and by the way you know.
– It's, the irony because that you were doing so well at it.
– Yeah.
– That makes it so seductive.
– So that's the thing.
Yeah, I became extremely paranoid like okay, what are people thinking? How can I, you know, dothis to skew the perception so they perceive me in this good way.
So they perceive me like that.
How do I maintain it? And I was actually pretty good, right? Pretty damn good.
And I thought it would work and I've doubled down, doubled down.
Didn't work, never worked, but I was stubborn, A, and then what happened? That thing got taken away.
Not in a subtle way, but in the harshest way, and I've talked about this in many videos going through that scandalwhere half the world or more disapproved of me.
So you lose that validation completely.
Just ripped away, the thing literally worsethan my worst nightmare.
Like I couldn't even imagine- And by the way.
something so bad.
– And be clear – That can happen to us again at any time.
– Yeah.
– When we say, “Oh, thatthing that happened” as if it's over.
That's not the case.
– It's never happened again.
100%, (mumbles) more.
– Yeah.
– Gone.
All that validation, gone, and I've talked about this too.
That was actually the mostfreeing moment, you know.
– That worst case scenario was the scenario thatchanged everything for me and that allowed me to move up and created the opening fora much lighter way of being.
On a smaller level, you'lleven see, it's where, you know, say you're really attachedto the approval of someone.
You might be in a mall like this.
You're like, “Oh, whatare people thinking?” And you do somethingthat's a little silly.
A little out there.
Like you might stop and do a pushup or like, (screams), just like scream really loud and people are staring like, what? And just because you kind ofdestroyed that image of cool your ego is hanging on to in your mind, you think it's the end.
You're like, “Oh myGod, this is horrible.
” But it ends up being very freeing.
I would even make clientsdo this sometimes, like say they're very stifled.
I'm like, hey, do a pushup.
Do a pushup.
They're like, “No, my ego.
“People will disapprove me.
“They'll think I'm stupid.
” Do it.
And as soon as they did it, there was a freedom there.
They had a sense of lightness.
– I think.
.
.
– And the key here, I want you to really observewhat Julien is telling you.
I want you to recognize the pimp dynamic that's happening to you in your happiness.
What are the worst things inthe world that could happen? One of the most disgusting behaviors is when a pimp comes inand convinces somebody to do all these horribleself destructive behaviors in exchange for thevalidation of the pimp.
This is a very real thing.
A horrible, – Yeah.
horrible thing that occurs.
And you see that and you think that could never be you.
How, how could that ever be you? Be getting pimped.
– Yeah.
But notice that what the pimp does is he separates the personwho he's taking advantage of from their sense of self, from their sense of validation.
And you think this can't happen to you.
This is happening.
And the way that it's happening, is consumer culture is telling you it's only when you get all these things that you can be free.
So you know, for example, like if we just look in here and we see that basically, youknow, there's all these nice, beautiful objects in here, right? When you have maybe that exact phone that you see in there, well what happens? Now you've got the super cool phone and now when you, you know, when you pull out that phone, little dopamine right there, right? You have, yeah.
– The coolest one.
You have that thing that people want.
Now look, they're making a great product.
I think that's really fantastic.
But at the same timewhile they're making grip and I admire that and Iadmire great advertising.
I think it's all awesome.
I don't have a problem with that.
I think it's great.
I'm not one of these peoplelike I just tear it all down and will just go back to the cave.
(laughs)- Yes.
I mean, yeah.
– Who (mumbles) the phone? Who needs a phone? – I mean maybe that couldbe cool, I don't know.
But that's not my current position anyway.
But you know, I love people creating greatproducts and marketing.
That's fine.
But you've also gotta be aware of how that's distancingyou from your happiness and what actual happiness is.
See, I think the problem and the way that consumerculture gets away with this is that most people neverget to the end of the maze to see that it's a bunch of B.
S.
– It's (mumbles).
– Yeah.
In many ways, It's whenyou get all the stuff, you get the reputation, you have all that, and then you're like, wait a minute.
– It didn't work.
– It didn't work.
And then you see that youhave to go to the next level.
Now, is that us discouraging you from working on your reputation, from working on your business, from improving yourselves? No, I think that, we'll evenget into that a little bit.
Actually, it's very importantto work on that stuff.
It's amazing.
But that being said, here'swhat I would say to you.
Are you doing it from a framework that is distancing youfrom your happiness? And again, what's the purposeof getting all the stuff? Because you could say security, but dude, someday you'regonna die of old age or an accident.
If you were gonna live forever, maybe you could justify justlike you're some kind of God who's gonna live forever so you need all the stuff and the rep, 'cause it's never gonna end.
But the only truth of life, the only true the life is ultimately it's gonna end.
That joy that you feel in the moment.
Like the happiness, the looseness, the lightness that is the pay.
– Yeah.
– That is the money.
Because that's what the moneyis meant to lead towards.
You know there's a coupleof counter examples, just like paying for self-education or investing in yourself, certain experiences that you could have, but even those, man, I'm telling you, even those experiences, you will forget them.
So you've gotta be movingtowards that inner freedom, that inner happiness, that inner light.
That is the pay.
But what happens is evenwhen you get all that stuff, again, defend it.
It weighs you down.
It adds heaviness.
And we're gonna get it.
We're not saying that not to get it.
We're gonna get into that.
We're gonna go deep on that 'cause it's actually beautifulreasons to go get it.
– Yeah.
– But it's not what youthink is the main key that we're tryna get to you.
– Yeah it's changingyour relationship with it instead of viewing it as like, “This will complete me.
“That's the missing piece.
” It's, I'm actually complete right now and then I can enjoy it from that place.
You changed the relationshipyou have with it.
And this is why, by theway, when you don't get it, it can be so freeing 'cause it creates an opportunity that just shatters that heaviness.
So having established that, it does change your view onthese so-called negative events.
You know those things thatare taken away from you.
I really want the moneyand that nightmare happens.
I lose all the money.
I really want the validationand that nightmare happens and I lose the validation and we tend to really self-attack and even attack the world or the universe.
Like why is this happening? This is so unfair.
Why did I do to deserve it? So on and so forth.
But when you view itfrom this perspective, it's those experiences, the times where it's really taken away that are your greatest gifts.
It's those blessings in disguise.
And you could even go, you could say, this far out there interms of your perspective saying that it's necessaryand this is in reality, the world or the universe helping you.
It's the universe is guidinghand where it's like, Hey, this person, they'reserious about moving up.
They're serious about dropping their ego.
They're serious about making that experience of themselves lighter.
They're serious aboutno longer being pimped.
Here you go, all yournightmares, here you go.
All those things youwant, nope, not for you.
Time to move up.
And that's on you, when it's taken away to really commit to movingup and seeing that opening.
It's your ego, if youwill, being poked at.
That's why it hurts so much.
It's like when you're, it's the ultimate form ofbeing triggered, you know.
The nightmare, everyone's disapproving.
Your ego's under such attack that you could evenargue in some situations you don't even have a choice.
If you want to keep onliving and moving forward, you have to drop it and move up.
And without that situation, you would never been forced to or put in that situation where, you know you could finally move up.
So don't judge those bad situations in such a negative light.
You it through this lens, okay? When something's taken away, when you're in thosebubbles and just bursts, it's actually a great thing.
And look for the way up.
Always look for the way up.
– Yeah, I can say for a factthat my experience of life, I mean it's nothing like whatI thought it would be, right? This experience- Yeah.
is not what I was thinking was, or was coming to me when I was younger.
And there's an ephemeral nature of life, it's a very dreamlike quality, and it can be to the point that you meet that perfect partner and have that perfect momentwith your perfect partner.
Whether that's, you know, a partner for a night, a partner for a long time, whatever it is, and you feel it in the moment you think you're getting whatyou want, it's very cool.
But what you learn over time is that you forget whatthat experience was like.
I mean, I'm sitting here, I'm almost 40 and a lot of this stuff tome is honestly just a blur.
I look at all the time- Yeah.
and energy and focus I put into it.
I look at the greatrestaurants that I went to or great trips that I took and I remember them to an extent and I'm gonna talk laterabout why I am happy that I did that stuff.
I think it's awesome.
I'm so happy that I did that stuff.
But again, it's likewhat Julien was saying at the Lincoln Road Mall.
It's your relationship to it.
– Yeah.
– So, when I look at my life, if I were to do an audit and I want you to put thisin context of your own life, if I audit my life and Isay what is the main payoff that I have right now at almost 40 for this big explosion of stuff that I did and thoughts that I had, worries that I had, ego defenses that I had, experiences, the ups, thedowns, the left, the right, whatever you wanna call it.
I look and I think the experiences I mostly forget, the different material objects- Yeah.
that I've had, I've had them, I've lost them.
Had them and lost them.
It didn't really add anything.
– And like you said too, with like relative wealth, something you have nowand like a few years like, it's just nothing so it loses its importance anyway.
– Like the old phone.
– Like.
.
.
– Yeah.
All those old phones, like, “I finally have it.
A year later, “Ugh! This sold thing.
” Yeah.
– Yup, so those thingsthat have the halo effect, that wasn't what was profound in my life, what was added to it.
Although I would say certainknowledges that we've gained or certain.
.
.
I do think it's important tohave a wealth of experience so I will talk about it.
But again, not in the way that you think, but here's what is funny.
It is, if anything, whathas been subtracted.
– Yeah.
– That is actually what hasbeen the biggest benefit to me going through life.
It's essentially thosedelusional bubbles of ego and just things that you'rejust flat out wrong about.
The delusions being poppedis actually the main payoff.
So having those things removed, losing reputation losing material objects, having some of yourgreatest fears realized and then becoming lighter because you're no longer attached to them, it's actually that inner freedomthat comes from subtraction that I think has been the biggest benefit.
And not only that, butI would even go deeper that if I was to list my 10 greatest fears from a decade ago, the biggest bubbles thatI just can't have them pop no matter what.
And I would've look at those, some of them that I would say in a video, some of them that like, to be honest, I just don't wanna make a bunch of drama and like, you know, raise a bunch of stuff and I'll just like kinda let that go.
But if I was to name acouple of them, I mean, and again these are very petty, but like I look at myselfwhen I was say 22, 23, 24 and when we were first building our public speaking business, our coaching business, and I worked so hard around the clock to get this perfect reputation because we were like, nobody, right? – 2002, 2000, – Yeah.
and we were recording this 2019 and I remember for about two years just busting every ounceof energy that I had in order to build this reputation.
I'd remember sitting therebeing in London, in the UK, walking down LeicesterSquare and thinking, “I did it.
“I finally did it.
“We finally built areputation of what we're doing “to such high level.
“We have customers coming, “People wanna learn from us.
“We can travel, “We can do a cool leisure business.
” And it was right at that time, I remember it was right as Iwas walking down the street and then I started reading about this thing called “The Game.
” (laughs) And the author of “The Game” is a guy I used to hangout with, Neil Strauss.
I remember even bumping into him out there and I think when I kinda bumped into him in Leicester Square, I was like, “Yeah, something'sdefinitely happening here.
” I could see something was gonna go on.
In that book, you know, there's like a 400 page book, sold a couple million copies, huge book.
Bestseller.
And I remember just watching as the reputation that I'd built, just getting ripped- Crumble, yeah.
to shreds.
And by the way, I'd nevereven talked about that or address it for well over a decade.
Never brought it up.
I can say why maybe another video, why.
I feel like you don'teven need to like feed it.
But the point is like I talk about it now 'cause I think it's valuable.
Something that is, it'sa teachable moment.
And I remember just watchingas my reputation like, as like all these differentsurface level friends that I had suddenly wouldn't return my phone calls.
Suddenly thought that I was like, you know, some kind of alike a big jerk or whatever, you know, whatever it was, right? Reading it and going along with that.
Now this is very heavy.
I'm gonna cover, I'm gonna get real.
I'm gonna get really, really real here, okay? You know, my first bornson, Vincent is autistic and he's pretty hard, you know, he has a lot of challenges to communicate.
I think for a lot of people, that's one of the biggestfears you could have.
Having a child who has something that would cause adisadvantage for him, right? It's one of the biggest fears, but again, if you look andsay like the book “The Game”, okay, so it messed up my rep, whatever, but it was ego.
It was literally ego- Yeah.
that was getting pulled away.
What did I learn from that? I learned it, first of all, who my real friends were.
I learned second of all how fickle a lot of surfacelevel friendships were, so I wouldn't keep feeding into those and I'd spend more time with the people that really care about me, who I have real bonds with.
– Yeah.
– I learned about thefact that I am who I am no matter what is written in some book, and I had to learn that too.
Well, in the same waywith my son, Vincent, I learned quickly, first of all, that Vincent's experience, he's a happy kid.
He's one of the happiestkids you'll ever see.
And it, his experience of life is great.
It's more the ego ofthe parents who's like, “When I have my kid, “He's gonna be the NationalSpelling Bee champion “And the captain of the football team.
” or, you know, – Yeah.
whatever it is, right? That's your ego.
You know how parents willtry to put their kids in some career path that they wanted.
That's.
.
.
– Yeah, maybe you're like this is my object.
The extension of me.
You will be what I want you to be.
So on and so forth, yeah.
– Yeah.
– And Vince is living his life.
He's happy.
He's happier than a lot of kids that don't have thedisadvantage that he has.
He's been raised in sucha positive environment.
So again, just seeing that or for me going bald.
I remember when I was in mymid twenties, early twenties I realized that I'm gonna go bald.
And that really freaked me out with so many insecuritiesthat I was dealing with.
I was like, “God, why have youforsaken me to also be bald?” – Yeah.
– Half of what motivated meto work on my social skills was I thought that I had to be married before I went bald or I would never be able to meet somebody.
And it terrified me.
But what going bald did for me was it made me realize life is short.
You have to in (mumbles).
I think the divide this likefull bristling head of hair, because I still feel so young.
I've more interested than ever, honestly, I probably wouldn't realizeif I wasn't going bald, this is gonna end.
– Yeah.
– I wouldn't know that.
I wouldn't work as hard.
I wouldn't know what's as important now.
I know that sounds ridiculous.
Oh, going bald.
Look at my age at almost 40, going bald's not a big deal.
But to be honest, at 24, I thought I had like two years left.
(laughs) You know? And it was scary.
But anybody who's bald watching this knows it's all in your head.
No one cares but you.
And I've had a numberof other things happen.
I mean a lot.
And these are pretty heavy things.
So again, it's.
.
.
In many ways, like a lot of my, honestly my greatest fears, I mean I'm reallyscratching the surface here.
I'm talking a lot of really bad ones where it all gets taken away.
– Yeah.
– It's those subtractions, not the additions, but the subtractions that woke me up and let me see my life more clearly.
I would ask you, what havebeen your subtractions? What has be taken away from you that was far more valuableto your experience of life and to your joy and freedom than any kind of materialbenefit you could get? Or reputational benefit.
– Yeah.
– The truth of life is thatwhat you'll carry with you is the knowledge that you gained through whateverreputational loss you have.
Through whatever loss of materialpossessions that you have.
And you see people, many celebrities who get so much in their favor and they turn to hard drugs because they don't go through that process and the weight of it is too heavy to bear.
– Yeah.
– So what we'd encourage you to do is look at those peoplethat are the most free and having the most fun.
And I ask you what pricetag can you put on that? In my view, that is priceless.
That is living.
It's about authenticity.
The actual authentic experience of life that you're getting through that.
Audit yourself and ask yourself where is it that these subtractions, even as painful as it was, burned away that which is not true and gave you a better life.
– Yeah, there's a saying I love, which is, “If you have big goals, “Life will test you tomake sure you're serious “or to see how serious you are.
” So if those biggest fears, you know that you have, like they're coming true and all these things arebeing taken away from you, it's very easy to get, like I said before, you get negative, you get sad, you get depressed, you start losing hope, but you can also view it as life realized.
You've got big goals, you have big plans and it's testing you tomake sure you're serious and it's helping you torealize those lessons.
And here's the other thing too, kinda building on that audit.
Look at your life and look at those thingsthat were taken away and ask yourself, didyou learn the lesson? Did you move up? 'Cause if you didn't, here's the other kicker, life will find a way to come back with a bigger bubble- (laughs) Yeah.
and a bigger burst.
(Owen claps) If you didn't learn it with the small one, it'll get bigger and bigger and bigger until you have no choice but to let go of that heaviness, to let go of that partof your ego and move up.
So did you learn the lesson? Look at those life experiences, look at your fears, theones that came true, did you just ignore it and perhaps, like you said, medicatedyourself just to get through it.
and doubled down on the ego?- Yeah.
Or did you really learn from it and take that opportunity to grow? And I wanna bring it back towhat you were saying before too where it doesn't mean that youshould go and just, you know, live on an Island with nothing like, “Oh, you know what? “I realized that I just need “To take everything away fromme and be this isolated monk.
” No, okay? You're here.
You're born to be part of this world.
You're born to experienceall the things in this world, including perhaps a cell phone, okay? There's a saying, which I want you toactually write down here, which is, “You were not born to be idle.
” No one was born to be idle.
If that were the case, you would be dead, okay? You're not here to just be like, “I'm just gonna let gocompletely and do nothing.
” No, you're here to experience the world, but coming from a different place and here's the beauty of it.
It's when you let go of it, that's when you're finallyable to truly experience and enjoy this materialthing that is life, that is the world, including even our own emotions, you know.
We become so attached tofeeling a certain way, (mumbles) is this feeling another way.
And that's also the ego that we never truly allow ourselves to (exhales) feel, like the relationship we have with our emotions is saturated.
The relationship we have with things, with food, with money, with, you know, validation, with approval, with friends, with relationships.
It's all saturated until youlet go of that attachment and everything changes and then you start seeing people for who they truly are.
You know, you start seeing the world for what it truly is.
And one example that comes to mind that really illustrateshow it all changes, when that relationshipchanges is a relationship.
Like say you're, you have a partner, okay? Most people view theirpartner not as a human, but as this extent, again, part of their ego.
“This is my partner, it now completes me, “It makes more of me.
” And you don't even see them as a person and what you experience isn't really love.
It's just pure attachment.
And when you eitherproactively start letting go of that attachment through, say, releases or transformation mastery or any teachings like that, until you do that, you willnot see them as a human and it won't be love.
Or you might have to gothrough the harder way of it being removed to really trigger that for you to finally let goand then meet someone new and see them for who they truly are.
– You know, and the big thing here is that are you gonna get bitter or better? – Yup.
– Bitcher or better? And what that means is, when the ego is getting messed with, when the structure of theego is being tinkered with, are you going to makea new ego as a victim? The ego loves being a victim.
It creates separation.
– Yeah.
It creates that unique form base identity as the biggest victim and that biggest victimidentity separates you.
It makes you greater than the others.
You're the bigger victim.
The person who has been victimized more.
(chuckles) So, – Right.
and that's why we say.
.
.
– Take pride in your victim hood.
– Are you gonna get bitter and better because that temptation to get bitter and to emphasize theseparateness is always there.
To get better, what that means, is that you use it asan erosion from the ego and it means that you recognizewhat you are attached to.
You recognize the heaviness of it and you move into the light.
You choose to move up into more real joy.
See what happens with thematerial possession stuff or the reputation stuff is that it becomes asurrogate for really living.
It's a way to ignore- Yeah.
The larger truths of life.
The fact that you're gonna die someday.
The fact that life doesn't maybe have that one set purpose, right? Having more followers on Instagram or social media network, it gives you a sense of purpose.
It's, it takes the complexity of life and simplifies it down to one thing and we all want that because we all deal with that existential crisisof what life is all about.
In my mind, when I see somebodyjust laughing and joyful or even in, to be real, even in pain, but if it's a pain that is a part of life that creates death, that to me is what we're here for.
To live life fully rather than to hide from that larger truth of the fact that the galaxy is so big.
We don't know what we're doing here.
Where is the aliens? Why haven't the aliens come visited yet? What is all this sand? This ocean? As we look to the ocean here, we can't even see what's going on.
The birds everywhere.
The seaweed right here, growing, expanding the sands.
What's in the sand? Where did the sand come from? The oxygen, breathing it in and all this simulation and yet we don't even knowwhat to make of it exactly, do we? It's confusing.
It's overwhelming.
So we focus and simplify that into reputation, possession, things that we think- Yeah.
will make life easier.
“Finally, if I'm in that Lambogetting out of it in my suit, “That's the moment.
“That's the epicness.
” And yet it actually makes things heavier.
You're in that competitive frame versus collaborative frame viewing yourself asseparate from the world.
And so what you have to do again is audits and look at your life and say what is real about your life? And what we've noticed and we've had discussions.
Now there's things that we know for a fact or you know, a fact.
And then there's things(Julien laughs) which we kind of know.
Things that would, things that are morespeculative in nature.
And one of the things that we speculate but that we don't really know.
Again though, it's justsomething we truly speculate is, it's very possible that whenyou have made a commitment to your inner growth, some people will call it spiritual growth, spiritual evolution.
Some people would just say, improving your inner game.
Some people would just say, getting more groundedto you know, to life.
Being more in touch with life.
I don't care what you call it, I don't wanna get hungup on the jargon of it, whatever that is.
But when you have that true calling, that's when these incidents of pain will begin to come into your life.
Or if somebody whodoesn't have that calling, maybe the reason that they're here is simply to live amore surface level life.
I look at some people that had a very, kinda like a happy but surface level life.
But It's pretty interesting.
They haven't really like I.
.
.
And I don't wanna judge them or their experiences.
I don't know their experiences.
There could be a lot of stuff they don't even talk about, Right? Maybe they don't make a livingtalking about the bachelor.
They talk about it like we do, right? – True.
(Owen laughs) – So that being the case, you know, and so you don't know somebodyfor sure, you can't judge.
But there's definitelyat least some people who do go through this sort of surface level experience of life.
And I'd recommend you research them, maybe a a King from the Middle East or something like that, and look at their life and ask yourself, as much good stuff as they have and as much as it'd be coolto trade lives for a day or maybe maybe in a year, would you actually wantto live in their skin? Would you want to live their emotions? Do you believe in theirauthenticity of life and what they're experiencing? I would ask you that.
So realize that when you makethat calling for real growth sometimes you don't get what you want, which is, “I just wannabe more free and happy “And get all this stuff.
“I wanna get all thestuff and be super cool “And be super free.
“That's totally gonna happen.
“It's just all my ducks in a row “And I'm happy and I'm free.
” That's right.
That's gonna fucking happen.
I'll be happy when.
.
.
And instead what you just say is, look, “What is, what realistically would it take “To shake me out of my days? “What realistically would it take “For me to have thisinner growth that I want?” Well guess what, when you call upon that, when you say, “Godbring that into my life.
or “I just hope I get that.
” I don't care how you process things, but when you make that calling be aware you're gonna get what you, you're probably gonna get what you asked, but the way of getting there may be very, very differentthan what you think 'cause you're probably gonna be tested to see do you really want that? And at that point, by the way, when you call that test, that's some pretty epic stuff because you might go into victim because you can't take the realness of what it shows you.
– Yeah.
The realness is too much andthen you just go into victim.
You go into a living hell.
But if you can take the realness of it and make that hard moment.
Re-engage you with what is real at that point, your life can go to anentirely different level.
Maybe not from that whatreputation or possession, but it goes to a different level in terms of how you experience it and your authenticity of life.
– I love when you said, it wakes you up to reality 'cause that's what it really does.
You know it realigns youwith those universal truths.
You know, what his life? Is anything permanent in life? No, you know, everything will end.
Everything is constantly in motion.
Everything is constantly changing.
When you're trying to find yourself and just keep it there, you know, whether, it's an example, it's a partner, you're like, “I just had my partner, “The partner's not me, “I'm gonna keep my partner like this “And it's gonna stay like this.
” You're going against the flow of life.
You're going againstthat law of impermanence.
The same with death.
You know, the fact thatwe're all going to die.
That is a truth and it's something youmust come to terms with.
Now what do we do to fight it? What does the ego do? I'm never gonna die.
– It's funny too.
Like the funerals, they don't even let you- Yeah.
see a dead body.
Everything in society is designed to make you live- Yeah to (mumbles).
in this weird world to ignore life.
– Yeah, don't think about death.
The ego protect.
The ego will live forever and that's what we believe.
So we try to findourselves in the physical.
We try to find ourselvesin even our partner and how much money we have, and our reputation and how much approval, thinking that we may finally reach a point where I've accumulated enough, I will never die.
I will survive forever.
No, you're going to die.
And reflecting on these universal laws can help tremendously too.
You know, even the body, what is life? It's this journey.
It's this ride.
You're born with nothing, and when you die, you can'ttake any of this with you, including the body.
What is the body? It's the ride.
If you go to a rollercoaster park, this is it.
You get into your body, it's like here you go.
Off you go on the ride that is life and at the end you gotta get up, right? You're not gonna stay there, so, you return the body.
Everything here is borrowed and ultimately what are you left with? The lessons and experiences, right? You can't take all these things so you tryna findyourself and accumulating I am the things goes against life.
So realign yourself with reality and once more, are you ready to see it? Are you ready to acceptyour own mortality? Are you ready to acceptthat everything changes? There are different phases and stop trying to makelife stay this one way.
– The relationship one, tome is one of the most obvious and ultimate ones that almostanybody will experience because you will haverelationship after relationship and in many cases, not all, but in many, as long as you need that relationship to know who you are, it's like the butterfly.
You're squishing it, squishing it.
It's only when you get to that point that you'd be you without it.
And then all of a suddenmaintaining a relationship becomes way easier.
– Yeah.
– And I'm talking wildly easier.
So that example there, you could extrapolate that because every single timeyou had a relationship and you lost it and it hurt you.
– Yeah.
– Later you'll realize, wow, I'm so glad that I lost that because I wouldn't even know who I am I wouldn't even know who I am.
– And.
.
.
– And it becomes a real-ationship.
Until you reach that point, you could call it a fake-ationship, okay? You're again, you're notviewing them for who they are you're viewing them as thisthing that completes you, this thing that's is a part of you and every single time, unconsciously there'llbe manipulation going on beneath the surface, on your end and on your partners end.
Why? 'Cause if it's you completeme and I complete you, you don't wanna lose that person so you're gonna try to hang onto them and it's not love once more.
It's attachment, it's need, it's craving and when you're fine with, “You know what? “I'm not gonna tryna find myself in you.
“I'm complete.
” You are complete.
And there's a certain synergythat happens between the two that is love.
That is a real-ationship.
– I mean the same even happensin the night of socializing.
When you just go out and have fun, you're not tryna find yourselfin the positive reactions.
That's the ultimate night of socializing.
You'll see that if youjust go talk to everybody at some venue in a given night.
When you're above it, – Yeah.
your ego isn't in it, and you're experiencing thatjoy, the realness of it.
That's when it kicks ass.
– Yeah, now, I also do wanna touch on the fact that there arephysical lessons, okay? You is, the goal here is not to hear this and be like, “You know what? “You guys are right.
Oh, you know, (both laughing) “All of this past stuff.
– Let it all go to crap.
– Yeah, It's all happening.
“All this bad stuff, “It's for my growth.
” You know what? More bad stuff.
“Lemme stop brushing my teeth.
You know, “Let me stop paying the bills, “Stop working, “Let me just stop it all, you know “And let it go to shit “'Cause you know what? “The more bad stuff happens, “The more there's an opportunity “To get better and not bitter.
“So bring it on.
“I'm gonna even practically go “and find bad stuff.
“- “(mumbles) brush my teeth “Will my teeth rot out?(Julien laughs) “I won't be attached to them.
” – Yeah, It's like, no, okay? And again, this is another trap.
It's like, “Oh, you know, Iheard about your game crisis or “Your media crisis.
“I need my own crisis.
“I'm gonna go create it.
“How do I create a life crisis?” Trust me.
– It'll come.
– It'll find you.
– You'll be fine.
– Okay? And learn lessons from the physical.
For example, if you do a mistake and you lose money, it doesn't mean keeprepeating the same mistake.
Learn from it, okay? Learn from it on a spiritual level, but also on a physical level.
It's a foot in both and learn it in a way where you are getting better, not bitter.
'Cause you can also learn it and you might talk to people.
They're like, “You know what? “I did learn that “And I'm never gonna trust anyone.
“You know, you can nevereven be in a relationship “'cause there's always thechance of them leaving you.
“I made that mistake once.
“I was in a relationship andthey left me, so screw that.
“You can't trust anyone.
“No relationships.
” – “What did I learn? (Julien laughs) “People are crap.
“What a great lesson.
“Good thing I learned that.
” – “I realigned myself with reality.
“They're all crap.
” No, okay? Learn it while moving up, getting better, not bitter.
– Okay, so we just came off the beach and as we're walking back, we realized there's also something that's a secondary aspectof what we taught you here because I think if wedon't add this to it, your life could get very, very bad by misinterpreting some ofthe advice that we just gave.
In life in our opinion.
Again, this is getting intothe speculative aspect, but this is just sort of our experience sharing our ideas with youabout this in your life.
You have the spiritual side of life and you have the physical side of life.
So really in your life, you wanna have one foot in your essence or spiritual, that inner alignment, whatever you wanna call it, and another foot in yourphysical experience of life.
Because if you think about it, why did you come here to this earth? You came here also toexperience the physical.
So as you're going through some of these, as we called it, subtractions, you have a great opportunityto grow internally, to elevate yourselfand to enjoy life more, to see the reality of it.
But at the same time, while that's happening, you don't wanna just say toyourself, “You know what? “I want my life to getworse and worse and worse “Because when I have nothing “And I'm just living on the street, “When I'm living on this bench here “In front of the Colony Hotel in Miami, “That's when I really start living.
“Just going through thegarbage dumpster for food, “Looking at the rat dead in the eye “And saying, “We're down here in it “Just eating this garbage together.
“This is real life.
” Okay, that's not what life is about.
See, in this time thatyou have a subtraction, on one level, you don't wanna make an ego about being a bigger victim, you wanna move up andget connected to life.
But as you're gettingmore connected to life, there's also the physical lesson.
When you make a mistake, that mistake is notusually made in isolation.
That mistake could be caused because maybe misseda little bit of sleep.
When you miss a little bit of sleep, you ate some fast food, which made you kinda derpy.
When you're kind of derpy, maybe you got mad at somebody, treated them bad and created drama there, maybe fractured a relationship.
As you fractured that relationshipand lost some support, maybe you couldn't accomplish another goal when you didn't accomplish another goal, maybe what happened is your life got even messier and messier and messier and messier.
So really in life, you'vegotta understand your willpower and feed that willpower, understand your competence, your resources, the patterns that you're in, and you've gotta take fullresponsibility for this.
So when that negative incident happens, when you have that subtraction, it can connect you more to life, but it also should be something where you're getting a deeperand deeper understanding of the laws of the physical universe.
And there's a lot of universal laws about the right way andthe wrong way to live life.
And the more that you could observe those, you could argue that thoseare also very spiritual because you want to alignto your higher power and say to yourself, “What are the behaviorsthat I can take that show “That I'm in submissionto what is a good life “And grow in terms of your submission “To living life in the right way?” – I mean this really goes hand in hand with a tour I just finished.
I was in Europe for a month and I had a new team, a new camera team and it always takes a littlewhile to get used to, you know, the dynamics, the set up, the systems.
And for some reason it justtook a little longer here and I'd lose shot after shot after shots.
And I remember, I meanthere's nothing worse than I go into say a seminar, just keep giving it your all, you know, and in a way becoming evena little attached to it like, “Oh this is gonna be great, “I need it to go great.
” And then you end it and you'relike, “Oh, the shot's lost.
” And that hits and youcan still catch yourself like, “Oh man, you know, “This is a disproportionateresponse to reality.
“I'm tryna find myself in this”, you know? So it gives you that lesson of becoming a little bit more Zen, letting go of that need once more.
Changing your relationship with it.
And it was one of the tourswhere I've grown the most.
And at the same time though, linking it to those physical lessons, it does mean okay, gettingahead on staff, you know? Getting rid of certain people, getting more qualified people, refining the systems, getting backup upon backup instead of just, “Oh, it'lljust magically fix itself.
” So it's always both, okay? Take care of the problem, address it in the physical world and also take the inner lesson.
There's always a lesson in both.
– I think that's a very powerful topic and we'll do other videos on that topic But The idea of thespiritual aspect of your life and realizing the universal principles of how the world worksand aligning to them to live a better life and tocrave more upward spirals.
And to me, that's wherethe real sweet spot is because your life is gettingbetter and better externally, but you're also havingthose more impactful moments where maybe you do have a subtraction so that when things are going well you can still experience the joy of it.
You can feel the realness of life, but also align with thosegreater life purposes.
And to me, when you're aligned to thelaws of the physical universe and you work within them and then you correspond that with you also not being attached to it and you fix your relationship to it so that you can grow and have that subjectiveexperience of life, that's where something canbe a comptious true success, a deep, powerful success and something that in my mindis very, very commendable.
So anyway, it was reallyfun actually being out here in Miami.
It's a beautiful place- Yeah.
that we come every year.
So much fun to reconnect here in this kind of shadyday out in the beach, on the Lincoln Mall.
Just kinda wrapping up here.
We're just over the hillfrom the beach right here.
Hope that you enjoyedsharing in this moment here.
We try to shoot in these environments to make the realness of it.
That's why we shoot out here to make it real freeto feel those elements.
And I hope that you'll carrythis with you in your heart, in your memory, forever and ever.
We built this for you.
Thank you so much for listening.
Thanks for being part of it, and we'll see you soon.
Peace.
.
