[Music] what's up New Orleans this is Comedy Central stand up for sex [Music] please welcome Chris Redd [Applause] cuz we're hey man from Chicago man I've been in LA by the year man it's cool there's some differences I noticed you know like like the weather is fuckin amazing
and Chicago is crazy was 20 degrees Chicago got real cold that means I'm cold bougie and I experienced my first L leg winter and that shit was fucking adorable it's like 70 degrees motherfuckers are wearing scarves double rats walking around like they own a castle take that shit
off your neck the Sun is out you know your neck is sweaty now you out here with a wet neck in danger in the world people wait wet next make bad decisions Hitler had a wet neck the whole time they left that out the history books but I
loving them man I was in Atlanta I love him and I love the a yeah y'all get crazy y'all strippers don't stop twerking that's crazy I love in liniment I was in the airport for five hours cuz they got two inches of snow and shut the whole city
down though she was amazing to me man I people left their cars on the highway they saw two inches of snow and said fuck this and got out the car we're walking come on kids that is not how you deal with snow and they don't have snow on
a time so they're not walking confidently in snow so it's a whole highway full of cartoon character and it's stupid browsing the airport accident food Alice smacking people huh y'all don't know what Co it is like why you smacked me that's what Chicago wind feels like bitch turn
up I just say turn up after things I do wrong it's great I was I met this I met this lady though man I was waiting about five hours you know and I was I walked up to her and I was like hey Tonya yeah we've been waiting
like four hours man you got any kind of updates anything you could possibly tell us at all when we get out of here you know she doesn't answer me at all she jumps right on the intercom thank you for choosing Delta Airlines this is Tonya now I know
some of y'all got questions I got questions too [Applause] but right now we ain't boarding the plane because we can't find the captain I don't know I don't see him so I don't know so if you got any other questions I'm gonna need you to be like Superman
lifting the Mustang and hold your horses thank you I don't know why I buy something bad about these two inches shutting the whole city down because I shut down every time I see two inches you hear me bitch and we are Facebook friends does that was some gangster
shit to say it show job she was at work her manager Todd came out was like excuse me Tonya yeah son you can't say that on the intercom and tie your turn with no hesitation it was like time I've been working 16 hours every day for seven days
straight and I ain't got no goddamn bonus I'll say whatever the fuck I want [Applause] [Music] and Todd was like i'ma goin brick okay I'm on break I keep in touch with it oh man i Skype her all the time i Skyped it three weeks ago to check
up on her it was her day off was a go tiny what's up how you doing she was like I'm good I mean these kids driving me crazy but they mind so they still here which I feel like that's the slogan for parenting like I've never had kids
with like parenting they're still yo so they're still here so we talked for a while and then I was like yo go get the kids I want to say something to him before I get off the phone so she runs off right she was gone for two minutes
she comes back and she was like Chris I gotta go I'm so sorry I left my kids at the mall what Tonya was so hot she left her kids in the mall she was driving home I think so quiet I'm so proud of them they're not there bitch
turn around [Applause] you became a bad mother so fast love this man we're some crazy times right now man it's good to see some couples out here you you and love make some noise real quick you in love look at this interracial couple Martin Luther King and be
proud of y'all niggas how long y'all been together three months oh so that's not shit it up y'all motherfuckers playing pretend right now I like the first year the first year is the most fun oh so fun right it's most fun it's not the most meaningful but it's
the most fun cuz both of y'all don't know how crazy you are yet y'all have no idea how crazy you are the first year you just play pretend you do cute shit everything's cute you do cute stuff like hold each other all night listen fake ass shit no
real couple does that garbage and if you risk somebody past a year and they're still holding you all night you were dating a serial killer and they will wear your skin to the break just to the bank wearing your skin that's crazy I wake up when you wake
up how is that not insane have you been sleeping nah girl you sleep for the both of us that's crazy you can't get all the way to sleep hold another person all night it's impossible see moves you wake up you move she wakes up she farts you act
like she ain't do it because you trying to be cute was that meeting all her that was Jesus you sex is amazing you can do new sex moves because she hasn't learned your fuck pattern yet every spouse knows how you have sex right Monday through Sunday that's how
week's work right yeah but then first year everything's in your repertoire you know I'm saying that's great then after sex I'll both sit there lay there holding each other all night in that wet spot chillin like you both want to be there you know that wet spot vagina
juice back sweat a little bit of hope it's all that right there and the people that are reacting you're having great sex you continue to have great sex and the people that aren't reacting you just found out you were having terrible sex so Hall aligned and that's not
my father because good sex creates a wet spot and if you're a strategic man you have sex oversize so you sleep track if you're a real woman you make him Swiss cause you run this if you are a power couple you have sex on the couch and make
your friends there with that juice moving our lake some things that were very weird to me with a crackheads crackheads with very weird Chicago we have top-of-the-line crackheads sobbing a lot can't get better than him I got to Hollywood every different crackhead you know I was walking on
Hollywood Boulevard don't know if anybody's been here but Hollywood Boulevard where all the stars where all the stars on the ground people everybody who visits Hollywood goes there somebody was walking right regular guy had a camera on his chest so I assumed he was a tourist or a
pervert who was not shy about letting people know he put his whole human face on Marilyn Monroe Stahr to take a selfie I'm like yo you got hepatitis A through Z now family it's so face off that damn Street where is your father so as I'm yelling at
this stranger this crack camp walks up to me behind me right he was like hey brother brother come here I don't know why he was rubbing himself like this I didn't ask him because I didn't wanna know the answer if I walked up to you and I said
hey brother how you doing I was rubbing myself would you ask me why no nigga you wouldn't but I was I was looking at his eyes I was trying to look down like hey what's up man he's like come here he was already this close I was like
nigga you in my face I took one finger and I was like there's no more here for me to calm motherfucker back up he's a hook I'm sorry I don't know space hey hey hey pick a card any card he didn't have a car in his goddamn hands
people not one fucking car I looked down at his hand where the fuck out of cars man he looked down to his hand like he was surprised with me [Applause] well then I guess tada you can't well then I guess you can't stumble upon magic you're unprepared you
son of a bitch then he walked away bumping into people excuse me tada you can't hand out two dice the hell are you doing I called my friend I was so mad I was so mad at this crack and I called my friend like your daughter I'm so
fucking pissed off he's like what happened I was talking to this crackhead my friend was like yo fault yeah you right now hung up the fuck cuz I accept when I'm wrong I saw him again no so I'm again same Street it's different people there it's lady her
name was Rebecca she was having a birthday it's my birthday very drunk wouldn't shut the fuck up and a friend was helping her Walt like yes Rebecca it's your birthday you show legs bitch down it's a solid friendship and as they're walking down the street this magical crackhead
jumped out the bushes now listen I don't know how long has man been sitting in these bushes but his timing was impeccable amazing I give you a quick replay so you saw I saw it's my birthday yes Rebecca it's your birthday use your legs bitch damn crackhead on
cue don't nobody give a damn about show birthday then he walked back in the brushes what no I've never seen a grown man walk back in some bushes like he had other shit to attend to y'all keep it down now here I'm in here rubbing my nipples and
doing experiments what y'all I had to know I had to know what he was the problem had to ask you two questions I had to give him some money if he needed it but I wasn't bringing my black ass in those bushes that's how he got there little
crackhead gnarnia you can never leave unless it's a white lady's birthday so I went walking in those bushes but I walked outside of the bushes I said the one thing I could think God gave him to pop out so I can ask him some questions to help him
out if he needed it right so walked outside the bushes I was like yo it's my birthday too I thought that was his things like not again no I mean but he didn't he didn't pop out at all all I heard from the bushes was no it ain't
I kind of fuck you know that broke whoa whoa yo and I say under my breath I was like man this nigga is magic and then as soon as I say that he was like tada my cousin came out for real die because they came home for real
he wanted to do it down south in front of all of my family members we're from Mississippi so Thanksgiving front of 40 of my family members and and that's like a unique place to come out and he hit me up cuz he wanted some support you know he
texted me first she was like yo yo yo Chris yo Chris yo yo dawg I got something to tell the family ellipses and I was like cool cool cool why'd you spell ellipses that is not how that works dot dot dot that's how that works family then after
that text I was like you gay and then he sent me it sounds like wha how'd you know and I said it was another text like yo I've been known I thought she was trapped in the closet and then I sent him a gif of our Kelly just
doing this year and he was like that's a dope gift but he's like Ferreira no how'd you know now thinking what no one really knows right no one really knows until somebody tells you where you walk into a room and you're like 90% sure you know but when
I had an idea that he might be a little different I was dating this girl was very young at the time so it's very ignorant and I got this naked pictures my first naked picture ever got right and this girl was posed up in a bedroom in front
of her mirror so you could see the bedroom in the background and it was a wig it was a weird pose because there was no wall right here so this was just a decision my nigga this is she was like ah and then she was leaning too much
so one titty was alone and literally not only is telling you ever did see and that was like oh I hope she reunites those titties so I passes all my friends because I was an ignorant kid at the time and everybody was like oh those titties are lonely
and then it got to my cousin and my cousin takes one look at the picture he's like she need to clean up her room that is not ladylike you looking at the wrong thing brother look at the titties he's like fuck those titties look at that – Cole
that's that's the picture back and I was like yeah you different really different but of course I had his back you know I of course I had his back so it comes to Thanksgiving we all like to dig into the food right and just as we bought the
dig game my cousin Kicks down the door everybody stop eating I've got something to say for as long as I can ever remember I've been gay so eat on that that response is beautiful because that was not the response of that day everybody froze it was silence but
I was cracking up because I was like yo that co-op if he was the shit son we've got a gay temptation our unity [Applause] eat own that know what eat on that that's the hashtag i hashtag that shit for a year Ito and Mac that was hilarious also
he kicked the door down and it was already open grandma go kick your ass for that it was beautiful it's a beautiful moment for me but everyone said anything for about 10 seconds and I don't know if you've seen anybody come out before but 10 seconds is a
very long time to hear silence so he looked at me he was like Chris and so I looked back at him I was like I got you I stood up real fast and I mean I knew I was gonna say I never come out before I ain't never
come out with Association I ain't do this before but I was confident with my stand-up and I was like [Applause] he's gay and my dad stood up anger on his face and my brother straight-man me I'm straight my sisters straight so we've never had this issue so we
never really talked about it he had a lot of anger on his face I was like oh my god what is gonna happen he looks mad is my dad to pick it am I gonna find out right now this is crazy over cornbread No you ever had something
real bad happen over your favorite food and it I takes it back and then every time you eat it you like hot races he was looking man you know know what the hell's gonna happen he was like enough of this shit Jimmy we already know UK nigga sit
down to eat your greens [Applause] [Music] you
