– If this game is any indicator of how good you are at being aChinese person, I have failed.
I am the least Chinese, Chinese person.
I might as well be white.
(upbeat music) How's the lockdown going? So, today's video, I got to learn about this game called Chinese Parents because a friend of mine told me about it, and he described it as a game where you literally, you have to impress your Chinese parents, that's the whole premise of the game.
Before we jump in, giveme a like, right now, and subscribe if you haven't, let's go play Chinese Parents.
static) Before the pandemic started, I used to be a stand-up comedian, and nowall those shows are gone.
I thought to myself, well, let's just record myself playing a game.
We have to pass the self-isolationtime somehow, right? Click to open your eyes (laughs) Isn't there like a racist joke about how you can blindfoldAsians with dental floss? – You could blindfold these people with (cuts out) dental floss.
– I'm not exactly helping out here if you paint somethinglike this on the picture as our eyes.
'Kay, I will open myeyes, I see a grandpa, and grandma, and my mom and my dad.
The weird haircut, what is that? I am born, okay.
Is this supposed to be me? Is this even human? Parents will have variousexpectations of you, pay attention to the time limit, otherwise you might disappoint them.
I love how the first thing, when you are born as a Chinese kid, don't disappoint your parents, accurate.
Click here and absorb fragments to increase your stats.
So you have to play adumb game to, to grow? (laughs) Okay, I don't know how it works, I'm just clicking randombuttons, seems to be working.
Plan for what you needto finish this turn, study or entertainment, okay, study, of course, right, that's what we do when we're born, first thing we do is pick up a book.
Turn over, okay, practicinghow to turn over.
Excited Grandpa, Grandpaplays with you everyday, and when you succeed he gets excited and calls you a genius.
And the Mandarin words here, you are smarter than your dad.
static) It was at this point where I realized this game was a lot of repetitive clicking of the same scenes.
If this game is anything to go by, growing up as a Chinese kid must suck, it's all about turningover and clicking jewels.
Do you know how boring your game is, if I'm in lockdown and Istill find your game boring? But I kept playing because I wanted to see if this game wouldgo anywhere interesting, and it did, because when Istart going to kindergarten, here comes the most Chinese thing ever.
A relative is coming to visit us soon, behave yourself and don't embarrass me, I don't wanna lose faceover your behavior.
Okay, this is pretty Chinese, losing face, a concept of beingembarrassed and losing face, I don't think any whiteparent ever tells their kids, that I don't wanna lose face, I think that this is a completelyAsian parent thing.
Mom's pretty cute actually (laughs) Why am I perving over a computer game mom? Hey don't judge me, lockdown gets pretty lonely.
What's face? Dad, when you outperform others and show off yoursuperiority, you save face.
Wow! I'm so glad my parents never had this face talk with me, because, this just sounds like psychopath-level shit.
Why is it so competitive Dad? If you wanna win that much, can you just get a better haircut, and button up your shirt? You look like someone who's going through a midlife crisis, youlook like you're gonna buy a motorcycle in like two weeks.
Face duel, ooh, (laughs) just look at how old your kid is, flaunt face.
I can do lucky turnover or rhythm control, let's do rhythm control.
I don't mean to boastthat my child's got flow, but that's the honest truth (laughs) We just came in from theMaldives, flaunt travel.
Lucky turn over, justlook at the little one turning over, what a quick learner.
See my kid has learned how to wave.
Oh no, I don't have any more skills.
All right, I guess I have to flee then, I have nothing I can do here.
Oh, there's something I've gotto do at home, see you later.
Yep, this is how Asianparents admit defeat.
Oh, this is Pokemon butAsian parents.
static) (video game music) (T.
static) Can I still only do two things? Okay, I can leisurely stroll.
I am supposed to be in kindergarten, shouldn't I know how to at least like, take a shit? (T.
static) The face duel was by far the most interesting part of the game, and then it's back to moreclicking, and more talking, and I was about to giveup when this happened.
Click here to view yourpersonal information.
The size of your mind shadow is affected by rewards from your parents, punishments and your stress.
When your mind shadow's size exceeds 100, the game will immediately be over.
Mind shadow? So when it hits 100 you kill yourself? This, (sighs) this game hasreally dark undertones.
First of all, you havereally competitive parents who hate each other, andhate their relatives, don't tell someone in kindergartenabout the mind shadow.
Hey kid, I know you're only four, but when your mind shadow goes above 100, you will kill yourself, here's an ice cream cone.
static) – [Narrator] One eternity later – Okay, so this is me now, you can tell I've grown up a little bit, um, Mom's still pretty hot (seductive music) Okay the dad is, thedad looks different now.
It's only been what, two years, how do you look like shit all of a sudden? All right let's do study then.
Oh I just learned how to walk (laughs) I just learned how to walk at age seven! How are the parents not worried? Can you imagine if you have a kid, and the kid still can't walk at age seven? How has nobody told me Ineed to learn how to walk? How did I get to primary school? I didn't know how to walk, my dad just carried me and ploppedme down in my chair? And Mom's like ha ha you'reso cute walking around, let me take a picture soI can share it online, I'm seven, don't be sharinga picture of me walking, when I'm seven.
You mentioned about losing face, this is the thing that's gonnamake you lose the most face.
Oh my child took his firststeps today, at age seven! He knows his times tables, buthe just learned how to walk.
We always thought he wasgoing to be handicapped, you know, we always thought he was born with no bones in his body.
Exam marks, Chinese, 60, Mathematics, zero? English 62, NaturalScience, three, (laughs) art, zero, wow, okay, thisis, this is like an F.
Oh my god, I really suck at this game.
If this game is any indicator of how good you are at being a Chinese person, I have failed, I am the leastChinese, Chinese person.
I might as well be white.
static) That's about enough, Iknow I suck at this game, I know I'm not gonnabe a good Chinese son, my self esteem has taken a big hit.
This is a game that tells you how shit you are at being Chinese.
Give me a thumbs up, I subjected myself to this kind of torture for you guys, playing this game two days in a row.
Stay safe everybody in your quarantine, I really want Asian food, no restaurants are open, so stay safe in yourquarantine, stay indoors, be healthy, see you in my next video.