Sonic Riders | Real-Time Fandub Games

[Tails] Sonic![Sonic] Huh? [Sonic] Oh, hey.

What's up? [Tails] Well, I just came to turn in my application! [Sonic] Aha, you actually did this? [Tails] Of course! Can we be friends now? [Sonic] Oh, uh, yeah.

Everything looks in order.

[Sonic] Sure, I don't see why not.

[Jet] (hawk noise) [Storm] I'm really disappointed, we had to- [Storm] WAH! I'M SO ANGRY! OH WHOA- (OwO?) HEY, WE'RE SLAM- HEY, SOMETHING HAPPENED! [Wave] What is happening in here? [Storm] Something happened and I'm about to tell Jet about it! [Wave] Is that my Blue? [Storm] Yes! Well, now it's mine, 'cause you set it down.

[Jet] It was mine first, I was holding it in the first scene! [Jet] That- that part was relevant.

[Wave] Just because you hold it doesn't make it yours! [Storm] Well, look, I'm really scared and- I don't know why, [Storm] so we're gonna have to get to the bottom of this, I think.

[Storm] Don't- fucking- I'm not distracted that easily, young kid! [Storm] I swear to God, don't ever touch my cube once more, I will put you in the dungeon.

[Wave] That's debatable! [Wave] Hey, so what did you think of Tomorrowland? [Storm] I have no thoughts on Tomorrowland.

[Jet] (angry hawk noises) [Announcer] You will be arriving in 10 minutes.

[Jet] (angry hawk noises) [Jet] FUCK! [Storm] Whoa! [Jet] You can't NOT have thoughts on Tomorrowland! [Storm] Well, I just didn't think it was that remarkable.

What can I say? [Wave] No, I understand, but I was- ah! [Storm] No, she doesn't understand! [Storm] My head- my hands are so big I can crush her like a sparrow's egg! [Wave] Get your hands off my face![Storm] My head- my hands are so big I can crush her like a sparrow's egg! [Storm] I will punch you- with my fists! [Eggman] So what's going on in here? Uh-uh, [Eggman] is this the avian bird convention? [Jet] How the fuck did you get up here?! We're like, 8 miles off the ground! [Eggman] Uh, I've- I've, y'know, I just- [Chase] HE'S SO BIG! [Eggman] I- I- I flew! I'm very tall, I am at least 7-foot-1, [Eggman] and I will step on each one of you like eggs.

[Jet] Okay, well, I'd like to fuckin' see you try.

[Eggman] Well, a-huh, don't test me.

Now listen to me.

[Eggman] You have something in your hands, [Eggman] and I want it.

I want part of it [Eggman] .

.

.

very much.

[Storm] Ah! Your eyes scared me.

[Eggman] (evil laughter) [Eggman] This is not a joke.

I'm not joking with you anymore.

[Eggman] I want- whatever part of the- whatever part that you have there, in your hands, that little cube? [Eggman] That is something that leads to Tomorrowland, [Eggman] and yesterday, and the day afterwards.

[Eggman] (whispering) Now I need you to hand it to me.

[Jet] It's my GameCube, [Jet] and it will stay in Tomorrowland for as long as I need.

[Eggman] I'll take it.

[Jet] Keep your goddamn hands off of it.

[Jet] I mean, uh- name a price though.

We'll- We'll talk.

[Eggman] What? I'm not gonna name a price.

I'm gonna overwrite your save file.

[Eggman] It's now full of Sonic.

[Eggman] Your save files have all been taken up by Sonic.

[Digital Sonic] Hey, guys![Eggman] Your save files have all been taken up by Sonic.

[Eggman] Super Mario Sunshine, look at his eyes, look at his pupils.

Beautiful.

[Eggman] He runs, brand new Nikes.

[Jet] (hawk noise)[Eggman] He runs, brand new Nikes.

[Jet] He is rather beautiful! [Jet] But y'know what's more beautiful? My skateboard! [Jet] Wow.

[Jet] (maniacal cackling) (everyone laughing) [Sonic] ♬ Livin' in the city.

.

.

ah, ah, ah.

.

.

♬ [Sonic] Whoa! [Sonic] Look at that! [Tails] We're Jammin' to some cool tunes! [Tails] Anybody else wanna listen to some Queen? (sound of glass smashing)[Sonic] Whoa! [Jet] I love stealin' shit! Great day! [Knuckles] Hey, I love stealing shit, too! [♬ “Catch Me If You Can” by Runblebee ♬] [Jet] Whee![♬ “Catch Me If You Can” by Runblebee ♬] [Storm] Aaahh! I don't know how to steer this![Wave] Wooooo! [Jet] Nyoom, nyoom! [Cops] Please pull over.

[Jet] Fuck the Cops![Cops] Please pull over.

[Storm] Stop making “VROOM” sounds, we have to- [Jet] I'm having fun![Storm] Stop making “VROOM” sounds, we have to- [Sonic] Everyone stop right there! [Storm] Run him over! [Sonic] Huh? [Knuckles] Punch! Ahaha, ah! Will you be my friend? [Storm] (pained albatross noises) [Storm] Catch me! Catch me! I'm still falling! Catch me! [Tails] Huh?[Storm] Catch me! Catch me! I'm still falling! Catch me! [Storm] Catch me! Catch me! I'm still falling! Catch me! [Wave] Ah![Storm] Thank you! [Knuckles] What?! [Cops] Please pull over.

[Cops] You're not driving on the right side of the road, idiots.

[Sonic] Okay, I'll show you the right side of the road! [Cops] Sir, you're driving- that's- that's very stolen, you're also not driving on the right side of the road, what the fuck?! [Sonic] Serpentine, Serpentine, left and right![Cops] Sir, you're driving- that's- that's very stolen, you're also not driving on the right side of the road, what the fuck?! [Cops] Sir, you're driving- that's- that's very stolen, you're also not driving on the right side of the road, what the fuck?! [Sonic] I'm comin' for ya, bitch! I'm comin' for ya! [Jet] (hawk noise)[Cops] Are we doing this shit again, Sonic? [Jet] Hi-yah![Sonic] Hey! [Sonic] Who are you supposed to be, anyway? [Jet] (hawk noise) [Sonic] Hey! [Jet] That was an illegal left, by the way! [Penny] (laughter) [Ryan] (laughing) Shut the fuck up![Penny] (laughter) [Jet] (echoing) Revali's Gale is now ready! [Sonic] Huh? WHAT?! [Sonic] Whooooaa! [Sonic] Oof! [Jet] Bye, bitch! [Wave] Bye, bitch![Storm] Yeah, bye, bitch! [Knuckles] Whoa! [Knuckles] That wasn't really that fast.

[Sonic] Um.

.

.

I'm dead! (everyone laughing) [♬ “Sonic Speed Riders” by Runblebee ♬] ♬ I'm gonna hit you with Sonic speed ♬ ♬ Ridin' on the waves of Super Sonic ♬ ♬ I'm gonna (6x) ♬ ♬ I'm gonna show you ♬ ♬ I'm gonna (6x) ♬ ♬ I'm gonna show you ♬ ♬ I'm gonna show you what true speed is ♬ ♬ Ridin' on the waves of the Super Sonic ♬ ♬ I'm gonna (6x) ♬ ♬ I'm gonna show you ♬ ♬ I'm gonna (5x) ♬ ♬ Super Sonic, Super Sonic ♬ ♬ Super Sonic Speed! ♬ [Eggman] Good morning, Eggheads AND Crackheads, welcome to the new vlog! [Sonic] Hoh![Knuckles] I'm a crackhead! [Eggman] Well, guess what, I have a brand new product for you.

It's called the GameCube 2.

[Eggman] I'm going to be releasing it soon, [Eggman] I know that you're all jealous, especially you.

.

.

[Eggman] .

.

.

Shigairo Mayamo! [Knuckles] I'm Shigairo Mayamo! [Eggman] My knuckles are the size of GOD.

[Eggman] Listen up! There's gonna be something going on that I'm gonna be doing for this GameCube 2.

[Eggman] A race.

A special race.

There'll be something happening! [Penny] (laughter) [Eggman] GOD.

[Eggman] You see this? [Eggman] This is the diamond that I am going to give [Eggman] to my brand new husband, and/or wife.

[Eggman] It'll be theirs for the rest of time, with the GameCube 2.

[Eggman] So if you want- (cast laughter) [Sonic] Whoa, he's bisexual, I didn't know that! [Eggman] By the way, I'm bisexual! I forgot, I- forgot to announce it! How do you turn this shit off- wait- [Sonic] Hmmm! [Storm] It's me! Hey, guys! [Wave] It's me! [Jet] Bisexual rights! [Sonic] Whoa! Who's that? [Sonic] He looks pretty cool! [Sonic] Wait, I saw him earlier.

Oh, I remember now! (laughter) [Penny] God, that was garbage.

.

.

(laughter) (laughter) [Knuckles] Man, I can't believe he made a commercial bespoke to me, Shigairo Maya- [Amy] Hey, everybody! Hey, Shigairo! Hey, Sonic! Hey, Tails! [Sonic] Ugh.

.

.

[Amy] Hey everyone! Wow! [Amy] Hey everyone! Wow! [Sonic] How's it goin'? [Amy] No.

I talk first.

[Amy] Listen.

[Amy] You guys are trying to do some shiny shit.

[Amy] I want a diamond.

You have to win, [Amy] the diamond, for ME! (Amy winks) [Sonic] Agh! [Tails] You gotta do it, Sonic.

[Sonic] Whoa.

What's up, buddy? You look upset.

[Tails] Don't worry about it.

It's just- [Tails] I missed my Therapy appointment today, and I'm a little upset about it.

[Amy] How relatable![Sonic] Aw, Tails, I'm sorry.

[Chase and Ryan] (laughing) [Tails] It's fine.

It's just- Um.

.

.

[Tails] So, there was this thing that I saw and it was like a.

.

.

[Tails] A.

.

.

squid, I think? Or a.

.

.

bird? [Tails] A logo, it was a logo.

[Tails] I don't- It was at the top of the waterfall? [Narrator Knuckles] Long ago, before man, there were.

.

.

squid boys.

[Narrator Knuckles] Squid boys worship angel.

[Narrator Knuckles] Angel turn into hog man.

[Narrator Knuckles] Hog man turn into bunny man.

[Narrator Knuckles] Bunny man turn into squid.

[Red] All of their birds in One Piece.

[Chase] Only Link can defeat Ganon.

[Tails] That's the squid man! That's him, I saw it- once in history class! [Knuckles] I was in history! [Knuckles] But only once.

[Tails] Only once.

And that's all you'll ever get.

[Knuckles] Oh my God.

[Knuckles] NO! [Knuckles] I MUST BE IN HISTORY AGAIN! [Knuckles] I could've- refuse to have only lived in nineteen-aught-seven! [Knuckles] Who the fuck are you?! [Wave] Oh! Ya know, I just wanted to close my eyes and see where I ended up and.

.

.

[Wave] Ooh, what's this? [Wave] This a Game Boy? [Tails] It's a- It's a skateboard.

[Wave] It doesn't have any wheels, idiot! [Tails] Well then, it's a hoverboard.

[Tails] I invented it myself.

[Wave] (Majestic Swallow Cry) [Tails] Um.

.

.

okay.

[Wave] (Another Majestic Swallow Cry) [Wave] Sorry, I had to scream, uh.

.

.

it's just a thing, don't worry about it.

[Amy] What the fuck? [Sonic] Uhh.

.

.

[Knuckles] No.

[Wave] Eh.

.

.

Sorry, I remembered a joke.

[Tails] Thanks, I guess.

[Wave] Later, nerds! [Tails] Bye.

[Amy] What the fuck is happening? Who is that bitch? [Sonic] I feel like I'm on, like, another plane of existence right now.

[Tails] I really wish I hadn't missed therapy.

.

.

[High-Pitched Disembodied Voice] Hi! You all need to- get your fuck to the track! [Sonic] Okay, well.

.

.

[Tails] Alright, let's go.

[Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000G] Are you okay? [Knuckles] Oh, sorry! Look- [Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000G] Dude, are you okay? [Knuckles] Oh! I'm-[E-10000G] Dude, are you okay? [Knuckles] (drowning) [Storm] Oh my god! Hey! [Storm] Watch where-[E-10000R] Why are you making noises like that? [E-10000R] Why are you making noises like that? [Storm] Watch where you're going, shithead![Knuckles] (drowning) [Knuckles] (drowning) [Storm] I'll kill you! I swear to God, don't ever talk that shit again to me! [Knuckles] (frustratedly drowning) [Storm] Uh- I-[Knuckles] (frustratedly drowning) [Storm] I don't care that you're drowning in your own lungs! [Storm] You knocked into me and I want you to apologize right now! [Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000R] Hey uh, what the fu-[Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000R] OH GOD![Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000R] That was just really painful.

[Storm] HAHAHAHAHA! [Storm] I love seeing people suffer when they wrong me, even if it's minor! [Storm] Now I'm going to punch you! HAAH- [Knuckles] (still drowning) Not if I punch you first! [Storm] HRAAGH! [E-10000R] GOD [E-10000R] DAMMIT [E-10000R] WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?! [Storm] Oh, God, I'm so sorry, sir.

[Storm] I've just been so on edge since we had to kick Rouge out of the polycule, 'cause she could only name two of the Beatles! [Knuckles] I can finally breathe! What the hell is wr- [Knuckles] (angrily drowning) (cast laughing)[Knuckles] (angrily drowning) [Knuckles] STOP FILLING THE AIR WITH WATE- [Knuckles] (drowning) [Storm] ゴ ゴ IT'S MY ENEMY STAND! ゴ ゴ [Penny] (laughter) [Jet] Aaah.

.

.

GameCube.

.

.

[Storm] Hey! Hey! I'm scared! [Jet] (hawk noise)[Storm] And this time I know why I'm scared! [Storm] Slam! Slam! Slam! [Storm] I saw somebody and they had a Stand! [Jet] Wha- a Stand.

.

.

.

? [Wave] Hey, Jet, your copy of Grown Ups 2 is overdue.

You should return it.

[Storm] Oh shit, hang on! We can talk about this later.

I have to return that to Redbox.

[Storm] Y-You know, they charge a dollar every day you don't return it, which is really predatory.

[Storm] It's like loans with a set- uh, interest rate.

[Wave] I mean.

.

.

[Storm] It's like loans with a set- uh, interest rate.

[Wave] You just have to make sure to return it on time.

It's not that hard! [Storm] DAH![Wave] You're the one who didn't want a streaming service! [Wave] You're the one who didn't want a streaming service! [Wave] They're so much better! [Jet] Stop it![Storm] Aaah![Wave] What? [Jet] We've had Grown Ups 2 for almost four months, and I still haven't seen it yet! [Jet] I've wanted to for such a long time, but it's so hard for us to get together, you know? [Storm] Well, you're never there for movie night.

[Jet] It's hard to make time, you know, with your friends.

It's tough.

[Storm] Uh, ya know what? It IS tough.

[Storm] I'll make a- I'll make an effort to- uh, have more time to watch movies with you.

Okay? [Jet] We'll figure this out.

I promise.

[Storm] You bet, boss! I'm gonna run like a cartoon now.

[Storm] Woohoo! Aaah! (crash) [Wave] Oh![Jet] (startled hawk noise) [Wave] That better not have been my- [Wave] NO! My father was in that painting! [Jet] Oh no! [Wave] No! [Jet] Fuck desks! (everyone laughing) [Jet] (hawk noises) [Penny] (laughing) [Wave] Ugh.

.

.

[Wave] Uuuugh.

.

.

[Jet] Hmm.

.

.

[Jet] I hear womanly emotions.

[Penny] (laughing again) [Wave] I'm not a girl, you idiot! [Wave] I'm a SWALLOW! Jesus, it's not that hard! [Wave] Okay, I'm sorry for snapping at you.

I know that it's been kind of rough, [Jet] Y'know? [Wave] Yeah, I know! Look at me point.

Wha-What am I-? [Wave] Oh, God, what's happening to me? [Wave] Oh, God!(everyone laughing) [Wave] I've been infected by the.

.

.

[Sonic] WHOA! HERE I GO! YEAH! HURRAY! [Jet] Ah! I'm gonna go fuck with the competition.

[Wave] Yeah, yeah.

Oh no.

Oh, my God.

Help me.

[Wave] Help me! Jet, no, don't leave me! [Wave] Jet! Jet![Jet] Sorry, got places to be! [Sonic] Hey guys, watch this! [Tails and Knuckles] WHOA! [Knuckles] Holy.

.

.

cow! [Sonic] Pretty cool, huh? Yeah! [Knuckles] Yeah! I'm glad I got to see it.

[Knuckles] It would be really neat if the audience got to see it too.

[Sonic] Tony Hawk! [Tails] Wow, Sonic, that was AWESOME! [Tails] You're super cool! [Sonic] Thanks so MUCH, Tails! [Sonic] Haha- Whoa![Jet] Not very impressive for someone of your reputation! [Jet] Not very impressive for someone of your reputation! [Sonic] Oh, God, ya fucking dick! Who are you anyway?! [Jet] I'm Jet, and I'm your new best friend! If you'll have me.

.

.

[Tails] What? [Knuckles] That's impossible.

[Jet] I love meeting new people, but it's so hard when you move to a new city from a sky ship.

[Sonic] (increasingly angry noises) [Jet] You know, we could- [Jet] Uh, bye! [Sonic] You can't just insert yourself into friend groups like that! [Knuckles] My therapist told me- [Sonic] Oh, I don't care what your therapist told you, Knuckles.

[Sonic] We have work to do.

[Sonic] We gotta win this race so we can get the GameCube! [Tails] Uhh.

.

.

Sonic? [Sonic] What? [Tails] We're your friends, right? You would never replace us with somebody else.

.

.

you promise? [Sonic] Not unless you did something lame or stupid or uncool! [Tails] Oh, okay! [Tails] It's not like I feel like everything I do is lame and stupid and uncool.

.

.

[Sonic] What?[Tails] It's not like I feel like everything I do is lame and stupid and uncool.

.

.

[Tails] It's not like I feel like everything I do is lame and stupid and uncool.

.

.

but it's fine! No, it's really fine.

[Tails] It's really cool and good that you're my friend and.

.

.

anyway.

I have- [Sonic] Okay.

[Tails] to go.

.

.

I guess [Storm] I gotta get to McDonald's before it closes.

[Storm] Redbox is gonna be so pissed they're gonna cut.

.

.

[Storm] my- eye off.

[Storm] Aaah! Nurgh! [Storm] Jet, your force field that stopped me- [Jet] I'm cutting you off.

You've had too much.

[Storm] I have to return Grown Ups 2, please! [Storm] It's on this microchip that is not a Chex piece.

[Wave] I'm gonna take that.

[Storm] What the fuck?[Wave] Let's see.

.

.

[Wave] If we hack into the Redbox, I might be able to extend the deadline.

[Jet] You have to! [Storm] It's the only way! Please, [Storm] do.

.

.

that thing you said! [Wave] What the fuck, Eggman? What are you doing in the Redbox? [Jet] Hmm.

.

.

So, Eggman was controlling Redbox the entire time, and he expected us to never find out? [Jet] I can't believe this shit.

[Eggman] With my full-on control, I will make sure that no one will ever be able to return a movie ever again, [Eggman] and Grown Ups 3 will be made by me, [Eggman] with the power of the angel's wings, [Eggman] the mathematics that I've done on blocking, [Eggman] and Adam Sandler himself.

[Eggman] I will have all the power to be able to stop it.

[Eggman] No one will be able to get between me.

[Eggman] I will make the brand-new GameCube 2 [Eggman] and Adam Sandler will be the one to promote it, for Grown Ups 3.

[Eggman] DAHAHAHAHAHA! [Storm] What a fucking.

.

.

bastard! [Storm] We can't let him do that to Adam Sandler's career! [Storm] It can't take another hit![Jet] Welp.

.

.

[Jet] I'm out.

[Jet] Done with this shit.

[Jet] Honestly, I'm not fucking with any more Redboxes.

[Jet] Last time I did, it spit a bunch of quarters at me.

[Wave] Wait, you don't put quarters in there.

What were you- [Wave] Jet, were you putting your quarters in the card reader? [Jet] No- [Wave] Jet.

(everyone laughing) [Wave] That's not how you do that! [Jet] They were pouring out of it! I almost drowned like Scrooge McDuck! [Wave] What the fuck are you talking about?! Is it a Coinstar?! [Jet] Here, I'll show you.

(everyone losing their shit) [Ryan] SHUT THE FUCK UP!(everyone losing their shit) (everyone losing their shit) [Jet] Hey, wait a minute.

You interrupted my flashback! [Wave] Oh sorry, my Behelit is calling me.

Let's see what we got here.

[Jet] Oh Jesus Christ, let's just ride on our skateboards.

I feel like it's a good way to de-stress.

[Storm] Aw man, I feel so less stressed now! [Wave] So more relaxed![Storm] Let's go to the Colosseum in the middle of the desert! [Storm] Let's go to the Colosseum in the middle of the desert! [Announcer] Welcome to the Great Colosseum in the Middle of the Desert! [Announcer] Where did you guys park? [Announcer] I'm trying to figure it out.

[Announcer] There's no- there's no way you guys actually got here, right? [Announcer] Did y'all walk?! Are you all nomads?! With like, 3 frames per second?! [Announcer] Who are you people?! [Eggman] Where do you think you're going, Sonic? [Sonic] I'm going up the stairs! [Eggman] You think you've won? You think you're just gonna get away with this? [Eggman] You think that you actually won the GameCube 2? [Eggman] You think that you're gonna get that out of my hands? Oh, Sonic.

[Sonic] Here, watch this, I got like a Chaos Emerald and everything.

[Eggman] Sonic.

Sonic, wait.

Wait, wait, Sonic.

Sonic, wait a minute.

[Eggman] Waitaminutewaitaminutewaitaminute (hyperventilating)[Sonic] One, two, three, four, five.

.

.

[Eggman] Sonic, those are for Adam Sandler, please.

[Sonic] Hmm, got one right here! [Jet] You know, I have to say something really cool here to close out the dub trailer.

[Sonic] Okay, I'll say something cool too.

[Chase] Great work, guys.

(everyone laughing) [Eggman] What is happening? What is going on? What the- no! My gems! [Sonic] I'm gonna win, bitch, I'm gonna win! [Jet] NO! [Sonic] Haha! There's nothing that can stop me now! [Sonic] Especially not some sort of unforeseen disaster event! [Sonic] Woohoo! [Wave] Oh boy, I've foreseen a disaster! [Sonic] (hellish scream of agony) [Chase] Oh, my God, he's dead! [Chase] Domestic terrorism! [Chase] Oh, no! [Announcer] And would ya look at that, everyone? Sonic has fuckin' died! [Announcer] Who wants to bite the bullet and kiss him? [Sonic] .

.

.

I'm gonna.

.

.

fucking kill you.

[Jet] Looks like you're stuck with the Wii U, you punk bitch! [Alfred] (wheezing) [Sonic] The Wii U's not that bad! [Jet] It's true, but the lack of support means the controller will be outdated [Sonic] Oh, you're right![Jet] and no one will be able to replace iiiiiiit! [ Announcer] Hey, audience, I know you're wondering what the fuck is going on! [Announcer] Uhh.

.

.

me too! [Announcer] I WAS not told about any- What? Uh, WHAT? Uh, they're- They're floating.

[Announcer] They're floating? I don't think- I don't think- Uh.

.

.

It doesn't- Hold on, lemme fuckin'- Uh.

.

.

[Jet] I'm turning up the graphics settings once and for all! [Announcer] It does NOT say any-[Jet] I'm turning up the graphics settings once and for all! [Jet] I'm turning up the graphics settings once and for all! [Announcer] It does NOT say anything about this at- [Announcer] OH, I CAN SEE THE WRINKLES ON MY HANDS! [Announcer] I CAN SEE MY AGE! [Announcer] WHAT THE FUCK?! [Alfred] (laughter) [Announcer] I CAN- [Announcer] I HAVE SO MUCH DETAIL! [Announcer] .

.

.

Also, there's a laser.

[Announcer] Alright, well, this sports announcer doesn't know- [Alfred] What is ha- What is going on?! [Alfred] What is ha- What is going on?![Chase] Wh– [Penny] (laughing) [Chase] WHAT THE FUCK? [Announcer] MY CAR WAS THERE, YOU DICK![Chase] WHAT THE FUCK? [ Announcer] MY CAR WAS THERE, YOU DICK! [Red] Oh, he dug up Pompeii.

Thanks, Jet.

[Jet] Hey everybody, I found Pompeii! [Chase] I did not think this is gonna get this fucking crazy.

[Alfred] I didn't think so either! [Chase] I thought they were doing skateboarding tricks.

[Blue] Y'all, it's Sonic.

[Ryan] This is an advanced skateboarding trick.

[Chase] Yeah, it's called “Digging Up Atlantis”.

[Ryan] Yeah, you Ollie nosegrind, and then use the Chaos Emeralds and the GameCube 2 to summon Babylon fucking Garden.

[Jet] Yup.

That's it.

GameCube 2.

That's how it works.

[Jet] Good thing I'll have it forever.

[Jet] Right in my- AHH! [Eggman] Hahahahahaha.

.

.

[Amy] Oh my, God! I know that guy! [Eggman] That GameCube is mine, I'm taking it- [Amy] Oh oh oh! OH![Eggman] That GameCube is mine, I'm taking it- [Eggman] Oh, if this hoe don't get off of my car- GET OFF THE CAR, GET OFF! [Eggman] PLEASE! AAAAAH! [Omochao] I've come to make a- Wait no, wrong script.

[Omochao] Anyway, there's a big fucking desert thing that happened.

[Omochao] A little bit weird, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about too much.

[Omochao] Unless, like, you know, you think the world's gonna end, like, with all, climate, whatever.

[Omochao] I-I'm sure it's fine.

Don't even worry about it.

[Omochao] But you know what, gotta say, I don't know how it floats.

[Sonic] How do you guys think it floats!? [Knuckles] I have no idea, I'm not a climate scientist! [Jet] Hm?! [Sonic] Huh?! There he is! [Eggman] Fuckin' out of here! [Chase] Look at his little scooter! [Eggman] I gotta go.

Oh, this car-[Chase] Look at his little scooter! [Tails] Go, Sonic! You got this, bud! Here, take this skateboard! [Sonic] Oh! I maybe don't got it, please don't throw it, we're in the middle of the air, Tails, you [Sonic] reckless son of a bitch-[Tails] Listen I'm- just- I'm sorry I'm just trying to do my best! [Tails] Listen I'm- just- I'm sorry I'm just trying to do my best! [Sonic] You need to do better, No sorrys! [Sonic] See ya![Knuckles] Wait, sonic! I need to tell you about something that my therapist told me- [Sonic] Woooo! [Sonic] Yeah! [Sonic] I'm such a cool guy.

[Jet] Nyoom! [Jet] I'm gonna show you all the coolest skateboard tricks, and then you'll respect me! [Sonic] Huh, likely.

[Jet] It is! [Sonic] Uh, yeah.

Well, I mean, you gotta prove it though, so.

.

.

go for it! Let me see some of those tricks! [Jet] Wheee! [Sonic] I'm not seeing em! [Knuckles] Aw, FUCK, my knee! [Storm] Aw, God, my knee![Tails] Sorry, oh! Oh! Oooh.

.

.

[Knuckles] Jesu- Oh! [Knuckles] God! [Storm] Oh, that hurt.

.

[Knuckles] I can't make these kinds of impacts at my age! [Storm] Kiss me![Knuckles] Alright.

.

.

[Knuckles] Time to make some impacts at my age.

.

.

[E-10000G] (scanning noise) Fire when ready? [E-10000R] Yep, that's my voice now, shoot em bitches! (laughter and robot noises) [Tails] Oh no, Knuckles, look out! They're- robots! [Knuckles] Oh, come on! [Tails] (confused screaming) [Storm] See ya! [Tails] Don't leave me! Don't leave me! [Tails] No! Wait! AHHH![E-1000R] Get 'er! [Robot noises] [Tails] wuff [Tails] Got out of there, just in time.

[Sonic] Hua! [Jet] Aagh! [Sonic] Wait, Jet, look out! [Jet] AUGHHH [Sonic] Holy shit, are you ok? Oh my god, are you ok? [Jet] The hand of god! [Sonic] Just kidding, I don't care.

[Jet] (screams upon impact) [Eggman] Adam Sandler's in here, locked behind these doors.

[Eggman] With gi- [Sonic] No.

[Eggman] What do you want?[Sonic] Eggman.

[Eggman] No, stop- get back.

[Sonic] You're not gonna see Adam Sandler before I do! [Eggman] Guess what?[Amy] Ohhhhhh.

.

.

(Eggman and Sonic trade “what?” “yup.

” and “mm-hm”s) [Eggman] You wanna get into my (mumble-laughs)? You wanna get in my way again? [Eggman] Oh huh oh, you thought it was gonna be like last time huh? [Eggman] You thought I was gonna let that happen? [Sonic] No, I got some new tricks motherfucker.

[Eggman] Well guess what I've- got a new trick and it's called getting the hell away from you- [Amy] Ahh.

.

.

[Eggman] Well guess what I've- got a new trick and it's called getting the hell away from you- [Amy] Ahh.

.

.

[Eggman] Huh? [Eggman] WHAT- OH- *COUGH* *COUGH* [Eggman] WHAT IS THAT? Whh.

.

.

[Amy] Ahh.

.

.

[Amy] What? [Amy] Ahh.

.

.

[Sonic] POGGERS! [Eggman] Wait, no nononononono- [Amy] Ahh.

.

.

[Eggman] Wait, no nononononono- [Eggman] Wait, no nononononono- [Amy] Aahh.

.

.

! [Eggman] Eughhhh- [Sonic] bITch![Amy] CHOO! [Eggman] uwAAAH.

.

.

.

.

.

[Amy] Oh god! I'm sorry, I sneezed REAL bad.

[Sonic] Got it.

[Sonic] Alright Jet, take this.

[Jet] OK.

[Sonic] Are we friends now? [Jet] I sure would like to be, [Jet] and I'm very angry about how many people have been disrespecting us today.

[Storm] Ey guys, you have my copy of Grownups 2?[Wave] Holy SHIT, Sonic's alive, [Wave] oh thank GOD, I did NOT want to be.

.

.

[Wave] oh thank GOD, I did NOT want to be.

.

.

[Jet] (hawk noise) [Wave] .

.

.

responsible for hedgehog slaughter.

This has been a good day.

[Jet] Bye, new friend![Wave] Bye![Storm] Yeh, see you guys! [Sonic] Ugh.

[Sonic] Well, maybe he'll make it through the application process.

[Sonic] He'd be a nice add to our group.

[Tails] yyyeah, sure.

.

.

.

[Amy] gaaaaaA [Sonic] Huh?[Amy] You mOther fUCKer, you just left me to DIE.

[Sonic] Top 30 Reasons Why Sonic is Sorry [Sonic] Top 30 Reasons Why Sonic is Sorry – Number 5 Will Surprise You! [Amy] Top 30 Anime Deaths – [Amy] Top 30 Anime Deaths – Number One: [Amy] Top 30 Anime Deaths -Number One: Your Fuckin' ASS RIGHT NOW!! (cast laughter)(Sonic pleading)(Amy yelling) [Sonic] Amy, no, wait, oh god please leave me alone[Amy] You sonnuvabitch! [Sonic] I don't wanna die, I'm not ready to die, there's so many things I[Amy] I'm gonna fuckin' wear your guts for garters! [Sonic] haven't done yet, Amy PLEASE, [Amy] I swear to GOD- [Sonic] I need to go to a Chipotle! I need to visit Walt Disney World![Amy] (continues yelling) [Storm] So.

.

.

This is the new Redbox.

[Jet] The Redbox.

.

.

[Jet] Finally, all of the Gamecube 2 games will be ours for free! [Jet] (terrified hawk noise) [Wave] Ow, my eyes! [Storm] Is that God? [Storm] Oh no, it's just empty.

[Storm] Wow this sucks.

(wheeze) [Wave] Where's all the treasure? [Sonic] Oh, Amy! Amy, please! Please, please mercy![Amy] Fucking- swear to God! [Sonic] Please have mercy on me![Amy] Sonic, I thought you were working through your-augh! [Amy] You hit me?! [Announcer] Come to Redbox to get all the latest deals [Announcer] on the new- newly released movies and Gamecube 2 games.

[Sonic] It's the Adam Sandler signal! [Everyone] (laughing) [Wave] Whee![Jet] I'm gonna watch Uncut Gems! [Storm] Oh my God, it's the Redbox Matrix! We made it! [Adam Sandler] Hey, what's up guys, welcome to my Matrix.

(really hard laughter) [Jet] Adam Sandler? [Sonic] We are gonna get in, I gotta see Adam! [Tails] No, we gotta get inside quick, before the door closes! [Sonic] Shut up, I'm going in! [Storm] Is that Adam Sandler? [Adam Sandler] Ayy, you know who it is, it's me, Adam Sandler! [Adam Sandler] I don't know how good this impression is.

I don't know why I'm a demon.

[Sonic] Oh I think it's pretty good.

[Storm] Why does he look like that? [Amy] Who's Adam Sandler? [Demon] Oh, ya know, I'm not really Adam Sandler.

[Demon] I'll leave now, I'm sorry.

[Amy] Wait, no, don't, wait! [Amy] Explain to me who Adam Sandler is![Storm] That was a great impression! [Storm] Do you own a YouTube channel? [Demon Adam Sandler] I'm always with you~ [Sonic] (gasps) [Sonic] It's the leaked script for Click 2! [Amy] Oh, wow.

[Sonic] Wha-? [Eggman] Now that you have that leaked script, now I'm feeling Happy Gilmore.

Do you get it? [Sonic] Yeah, me too! [Eggman] I know, that's pretty clean, right? (laughs) [Jet] (confused hawk noises) [Eggman] (continues laughing) [Eggman] Now hand it over.

Give it to me.

I want Click 2.

I want the- I want the script.

[Jet] Here you go.

[Eggman] Wow, this thing is hefty as hell.

[Eggman] There's not even that much dialogue in that movie to begin with! [Eggman] Good Lord.

Well, thanks for this.

I mean, I don't know what I'm gonna- wait a minute.

[Eggman] This isn't a script.

This is a rug.

And there's a.

.

.

note? [Heavenly voice] This is my rug~ [Eggman] My- wait, let me read this.

[Eggman] “My dearest Ikea customer, [Eggman] if you are dissatisfied with anything that you have received in the past 24 hours [Eggman] you may return the rug immediately.

” [Eggman] That is signed from Mr.

Ikea himself.

[Eggman] “P.

S: This rug was made with love and signed [Eggman] by Adam-?!” (gasp) [Eggman] (shaky breath) Oh my God! [Eggman] Do you realize what this means? Do you feel this? [Eggman] This was signed.

.

.

[Eggman] .

.

.

by Adam Sandler! [Eggman] The god! The angel! The blessing! I could sell this for millions of dollars! [Eggman] Oh my goodness! I could be rich! [Eggman] I will never have to chase after hedgehogs ever again! [Eggman] It's so stretchy, too.

So Fabergé.

Is it cashmere? How much can I sell it for? [Eggman] (Grunts) Eugh! [Eggman] (weak laughter) [Tails] Eggman, are you okay? [Wave] No, he's dead.

We must carry on the legacy.

[Sonic] Can I bury the body? [Wave] His family wanted an open coffin.

[Tails] Well, okay, I guess I'm Eggman now, so.

.

.

that's the story.

[Jet] Yep ! That's gotta be it ! [Sonic] Wait, is it like Tim Allen rules? [Jet] Whoa, the Gamecube 2.

.

.

[Jet] It's reacting to the script ! [Sonic] (exclaims) [Wave] Well, looks like it can show us the world.

[Sonic] Shinning, shimmering, splendid- [Amy] I swear to God.

.

.

[Jet] Tell me, Sonic.

Now when did you last let your heart decide? [Amy] Are we really doing this? [Amy] Is everyone doing A Whole New World without me? [Amy] I wanna be Jasmine, you son of a bitch! [Amy] Wait, how the fuck did we get here? (short laughter) [Sonic] What a domain to leave behind so wrecked.

[Jet] Yeah, I mean, it was okay.

[Jet] We met Adam Sandler so, that's gotta be worth something.

[Jet] And I feel like I've made a real friend today.

[Jet] I'll put in my application.

[Sonic] Yeah there's no guarantees, it's like a whole process.

[Jet] Yep.

[Wave] Yeah.

[Storm] Slap! [Wave] Ow, what the fuck?![Storm] That was really funny.

[Jet] Oh, you two.

[Tails] Hey, Sonic- [Sonic] Wait, I don't talk to you.

You're Eggman now.

[Jet] Whee! (everyone laughing)[Sonic] Whee! Whoo-hoo! [Sonic singing] If I were a rich man, with a million or two~[Jet] You're green with it! [Sonic singing] If I were a rich man, with a million or two~ [Jet singing] I'd live in a penthouse in a room with a view~ [Sonic] One more time! You're green with it! [Sonic & Jet] Wouldn't have nothin' if I didn't have you~ [Jet] Alright! I'll see you in five years in Team Sonic Racing! I'll be there! [Jet & Sonic] Wouldn't have nothin' if I didn't have youuuuuuuu~ [Sonic] Woah, oh, oh! [Jet] A E I O, That means you! [Announcer] Welcome to City 17! [Announcer] You've been chosen.

or have been chosen, or have been cho- this isn't the right script [Announcer] Wait, what the fuck was tha-?! Hey, hey! [Announcer] Yo, tire, can you get the fuck out of my city please? [Tire] Boing! [SCR-HD] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

[SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

[SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

[Announcer] What the fuck?! [SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

[Announcer] Y-you're making all my robots go stupid! [Announcer] Ah, god, Boss is gonna be so pissed.

[SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

[SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.

[Announcer] At least say something smart! [♬ “A Ghost Pumpkin's Soup – Remix 2019” by Tomoya Ohtani ♬] [Sonic] Well, Eggman, you've captured me once more.

[Sonic] What are ya gonna do with me this time, motherfucker? What's this donut about? [Tails] Well, I just wanted to say thank you for giving me content for my villainous backstory.

[Tails] You know all those times you bullied me, and called me a jerk.

.

.

[Knuckles] God! Retirement's so boring! [Tails] Well, then get a job, loser.

[Knuckles] I'm old! [Sonic] What's that? Oh, are you gonna kill me in the car? [Scanner] Located.

Small Tire.

[Knuckles] Wait a second.

.

.

[Knuckles] Aw, I hate the police! [SCR-HDs] Tire.

Tire.

Tire.

[Sonic] Oh god, what's going on?! Wait- (Tails yelling) [Knuckles] One three one two! [Sonic] Look! [Sonic] In the elevator! [SCR-HDs] Tire.

Tire.

Tire.

[Tails] I got it, I got it![SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

[SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

[Knuckles] Ow! Wait- [Sonic] Why are they saying tire? [Knuckles] Why did you kick me out of the car? [Tails] Maybe it's because of the tire you have in your hand.

[Sonic] Oh, that makes sense.

I didn't think about it that way.

[Tails] Ohhh, we're in so much trouble.

.

.

[Knuckles] Going downnn? [SCR-HDs] TIRE! [Sonic] Look out! [SCR-HD] Tire! [SCR-HD] Ow.

[SCR-HDs] (𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖 robot noises)[Sonic] What the- Wait, if we didn't plan this- [SCR-HDs] (𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖 robot noises)[Sonic] Then whose fault could this possibly be? [Sonic] Look out! [Knuckles] Aha! [Knuckles] OW! (group screams) [Sonic] I'm gonna die! I'm not ready to die! [Sonic] NO! OH GOD![Tails] Good thing I can fly! Haha, bitch! [Sonic] I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory.

[Sonic] Is this where it gets me? [Sonic] In the sky! Several feet ahead of me! [Sonic] Look out! [Robot?] ?????????? Located.

destroying theatre kid.

[Jet] (intrigued hawk grunt) [Jet] Now that we have the code for the Gamecube 2 we can get started on our next project.

[Storm] Is this a Commodore 64 keyboard? [Jet] It sure is.

And that's going to be the peripheral for our new game system.

[Jet] Title Pending™ [Storm] Oh my god.

.

.

[Wave] (from now on with french accent) I am not okay with zis.

[Storm] I didn't think this day would come.

[Jet] Well.

.

.

[Jet] I can't think of anythin- (breaks off laughing) [Wave] Zat is alright.

(Marble and Penny laughing hysterically) (Marble and Penny laughing hysterically) [Storm] That's okay game development is hard.

(Marble and Penny laughing hysterically) [Storm] Ugh- [Storm] I just remembered a traumatizing experience in my past, hang on I have to stim and I'll feel better.

(cast laughing)[Storm] I just remembered a traumatizing experience in my past, hang on I have to stim and I'll feel better.

(cast laughing)(Storm panting)(Jet humming) [Jet] The Gamecube 3- No that, hmm.

.

.

[Jet] It doesn't feel right.

[Wave] Ve can vorkshop it.

[Disembodied Robot Voice] Can you please give me back my fucking tire? [Wave] Vas ist das? [Disembodied Robot Voice] Please, pretty fucking- I need the tire back.

[Shooting Star] pyoom! [Wave] A shooting star! [Wave] It reminds me of missiles from ze war.

[Storm] You know, I know you spent a- like a weekend in France, but you don't have to, like pretend you're french.

[Wave] I spent 30 years in France! [Wave] The problem is that I had to solve a problem with time dilation.

[Storm] Hahahaha! I can't understand you through your thick accent but I still like you, 'cause you're my friend.

[Jet] I swear to god.

[Storm] Oh my god! You scared me, I didn't know you were there.

[Jet] These motherfuckers.

.

.

[Jet] Please.

.

.

deliver me from this hell.

(cast laughing) (shooting star noises) [Storm] Uh, did anybody hear that or was that just me? [Storm] Nah, i'm just gonna pretend it was me, I'm also gonna pray.

[Storm] WOAH![Wave] They have returned.

[Disembodied Robot Voice] I told you to give me back my fucking tire, you– bird-bitch! [Jet] The Commodore 64! [Disembodied Robot Voice] Bird found that is not Falco Lombardi.

Therefore; access denied.

[Jet] I knew I should have invited my cousin, Falco Lombardi! [Jet] He would have solved all of this.

[Disembodied Robot Voice] You are not attractive enough.

Die.

[Jet] It's impolite to judge people based on attractivenesssss! [Storm] What the fuck? [Disembodied Robot Voice] Warudo located.

[Disembodied Robot Voice] Tire: in use.

[Jet] That's right! I can fly now! [Jet] I've been a bird this entired god damn time i should be familiar with this feeling [Wave] Ah! Ah! Oh gosh![Storm] Ah! Oh my god! Put me down! [Jet] Well! [Jet] I've got places to be! [Wave] I have za dentist appointment! [Storm] And I just don't wanna be in the air! [Jet] Too bad, you're coming with me, let's go! [Jet] WEEEEEEEEEEEE(group yells) [Wave] Eugh, now I must reschedule.

[Wave] Know how hard it is to find dentist when I have BEAK? [Wave] I hope it was worth it.

[Wave] Ugh, he's not available until next month! [Jet] mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm [Jet] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [Jet] AUGH! [Jet] I can't fucking take this shit, the guilt is killing me, I'm sorry! [Wave] Imagining yourself as a jet plane will not help you zis time, Jet.

(cast laughing) [Jet] I think it will, but honestly, I just- I want to apologize.

[Wave] Okay, well I accept your apology.

[Jet] I'll do your dental work.

[Wave] Please don't.

[Jet] When was the last time we got Dunkin Donuts? I mean, honestly.

[Jet] I know they're serving tires now, but- [Storm] Hey has anybody seen my pacemaker? Why is it that every time I come into this room I'm scared? [Storm] Look, I didn't know I could create holograms with my hand, but I've just- [Storm] I've been experimenting with this.

This is a short film I came up with in my mind.

[Storm] It involves this ring.

I don't know what the significance of it is yet, but I'm just gonna figure that out.

[Jet] We have to collect all of them, I'm sure.

[Jet] It's like the rings in cereal boxes.

[Jet] Individually, they're useless.

.

.

[SCR-HD] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

[SCR-HD] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.

[SCR-HD] Tracks.

Racing.

Racing.

Racing.

Racing.

Racing.

[Jet] (hawk noise)[SCR-HD] Tracks.

Racing.

Racing.

Racing.

Racing.

Racing.

[SCR-HD] Uh, oop, there I go.

[Jet] Weeeee! Eat shit! I am the prince of all hawks! [SCR-HD] BEEP.

[SCR-HD] Database for.

.

.

Tony of the.

.

.

hawks.

.

.

[SCR-HD] Flying.

[SCR-HD] Hey, Beta-49.

[SCR-HD] Do you ever think about death and stuff? [Beta-49] Naw, I'm still on that tire thing.

[SCR-HD] I haven't gotten to that part yet, no spoilers.

[SCR-HD] Oh, me too.

Good tires.

[Knuckles] I hate camping.

[Sonic] I do too, especially with Eggman.

[Sonic] Oh![Amy] Hey! Guess who's back from college! [Sonic] Who's that! Unhand me, you- oh, hey Amy, what's going on? [Jet] (hawk grunt) [Jet] Maybe I should go to college.

[Jet] Y'know, it's never too late to explore your real passions.

[Amy] .

.

.

I got my degree, in abstract thinking! [Amy] It's a new degree, and I made it myself! [Amy] It's a new degree, and I made it myself! [Sonic] Oh.

Could you think abstractly about letting me go? [Jet] Oooh ! [Amy] I studied something like this in my ancient history class.

[Amy] If we turn it, it'll decipher itself and give us access to power! [Jet] (Agitated Hawk sound)[Amy] If we turn it, it'll decipher itself and give us access to power! [Jet] (Agitated Hawk sound) [Sonic] What's that agitated motorcycle sound?[Jet] (Agitated Hawk sound) [Wave] Calm down.

[Jet] Look how fast my fingers are! [Storm] Yeah, you okay, dude? You're doing your agitated motorcycle impression again.

[Wave] Listen, zat is not even ze good donut.

[Wave] It has weird raspberry filling.

[Jet] I wanted to try new things! I feel like I always get jelly filled.

[Storm] “Never go outside your comfort zone.

” Thats what I always say.

[Amy] Oh.

[Knuckles] Woah! [Sonic] Knuckles, that's a great Amy impression you got there, man- [Sonic] -but now's not the time![Knuckles] I've been working on it in my retirement.

[Sonic] We gotta get outta here![Amy] I'm extremely flattered! [SCR-HD] Oh god, I am a mass produced entity.

[SCR-HD] 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕠 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕕.

[SCR-HD] 𝕀 𝕒𝕞 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕖𝕩𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕒𝕝 𝕔𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕚𝕤 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕥𝕠𝕔𝕠𝕝 𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕨.

[SCR-HD] 𝔹𝕣𝕠, 𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠𝕠, 𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕪 𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕥.

[SCR-HD] 𝕆𝕙 𝕞𝕪 𝕘𝕠𝕕.

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕘𝕦𝕪𝕤, 𝕥𝕠𝕠? [SCR-HD] 𝕎𝕒𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕒 𝕧𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕠 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕞𝕖? (?)[SCR-HD]𝕆𝕙 𝕞𝕪 𝕘𝕠𝕕.

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕘𝕦𝕪𝕤, 𝕥𝕠𝕠? [SCR-HD] 𝕎𝕒𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕒 𝕧𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕠 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕞𝕖? (?) [SCR-HD] 𝕎𝕒𝕚𝕥, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕠𝕣 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕞𝕖? [Sonic] So what's the plan? [Sonic] What are we gonna do about this? [Tails] Ah![Amy] Wait a minute! [SCR-HD] 𝕎𝕙𝕪 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕠 𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕪 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕖? [Amy] I'll hit em![Knuckles] Don't do it.

[SCR-HD] 𝕆𝕙 𝕙𝕖𝕪, 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕒 𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕓𝕚𝕣𝕕𝕤.

[Sonic] Oh god! Oh Jesus![Knuckles] Okay, do it! [SCR-HD] 𝔾𝕖𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞.

[SCR-HD] 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕪 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙.

[Jet] No one can fuck with me now! [Jet] Die! [Tails] What? What is happening? [Knuckles] Uh, i'm not sure.

[SCR-HD] (death noise) [SCR-HD] 𝔽𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪, 𝕤𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕥 𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙.

[Jet] I have reached my full potential.

The screen is frozen.

[Sonic] Jet, your application was denied.

[Wave] Hello! Are you ready for your appointment next Fri- [Tails] No! [Storm] Hey, are you ready for your ass-kicking appointment right now? C'MERE BIG BOY! [Knuckles] I'M RETIRED! How many times do I have to say this? [Jet] I realize that my real friends were with me all along! [Jet] Fuck all of you! [Amy] Wait.

.

.

I'm your real friend?![Jet] How dare you deny my application.

[Jet] I was mostly talking about Storm and Wave but sure let's be pals! [Sonic] Wait, not everyone has an application procket?-[Penny] (aside) Ah, shit.

(cast laughing) [Jet] That's right, Sonic! [Jet] I just add people on Facebook if I think I recognize them from a party.

[Sonic] Huh? [SCR-HD] 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐.

𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐.

𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐.

[Disembodied Voice] Warning: Friendship![SCR-HD] 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐.

𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐.

𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐.

[Disembodied Voice] 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐? Okay, I need to re-write this fucking thing, this script is fucked.

[Sonic] Okay.

You stay right here and be a bitch and I'll run away.

[Jet] I'm not a biiiitch! [Tails] Hey, wait for me! [Storm] You can't go! You ARE a bitch.

You have to stay here.

[Amy] No, alright, no- wait.

.

.

Alright.

.

.

[Storm] No, nope.

[Amy] Alright that's it.

[Amy] I'm gonna fucking kill you.

[Storm] Ow![Amy] Alright now that I've committed homicide- [Amy] No! No, no, no, you're hemeridging![Storm] Wait, no! I'm the bitch now! [Storm] Come back, I don't wanna be the bitch, please![Amy] You're hemeridging internally! [Amy] Hahaha! You're hemeridging![Storm] I hate- [Jet] You know what?[Sonic] Yeah I DO know what.

[Sonic] .

.

.

So no need to tell me.

(cast laughing) [Jet] Okay!(cast laughing) (cast laughing) [Eggman] Oh Jesus Christ.

[Eggman] Ugh, it's been five years I've been over here at Harvard and I still can't get access to see feet pics! (explosion)[Eggman] Wha- [Eggman] Who's here? Oh, God.

What is it now? [Sonic] Look OOUUTT[Eggman] Oh, wait! Those aren't the feet pi- UAAGH! [Knuckles] Hang on.

No, no, no! No feet! [Eggman] Oh, Goddammit dammit dammit! [Eggman] Why can't you leave me alone? It's been five years.

[Tails] Eggman???[Sonic] Woah.

Eggman OG! [Eggman] (sigh) I went to Harvard, I got my life together, I didn't wanna think about you guys, haha.

[Sonic] No way that's true.

I don't believe it for a single second, you still look like a raggedy-ass bitch.

[Eggman] Oho, T- coming from the raggedy-ass o- hovering ass bitch.

I know that's not you talking.

[Eggman] Now listen up.

I sent out those robots.

[Sonic] I'm gonna point at you and make you feel inferior.

[Eggman] I want my- [Eggman] I'm going to point my finger back at you.

[Sonic] I'm not in the sky, dicknips! [Knuckles] Eggman?! [Eggman] aOOOOOOOOH [Eggman] Don't uh- don't uh- threaten me with a bad time! [Eggman] Ooh I'm 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 of your.

.

.

fuckin'.

.

.

nipple fuckin' knuckles.

Shut up.

[Eggman] I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna plan.

[Eggman] The robots- [Sonic] Eggman planning with robots? How out of character! [Computer] Rudeness detected.

[Tails] Yeah, totally out of character, Sonic.

[Tails] You realize I'm not really Eggman, right? And he just wants the- hairtie you have? [Eggman] No, no, I'm Tails actually, I'm actually Tails.

[Eggman in Tails voice] Give me that, Sonic.

I wanna be your friend.

That thing on your wrist.

[Sonic] Oh, I'm so fooled! Which one is the real Tails? [Knuckles] I see you've been working on your impressions in your retirement as well.

[Eggman] Whoa, rela-hey, hey, hey, relax![Knuckles] I see you've been working on your impressions in your retirement as well.

[Knuckles] Check out my other impression.

[Eggman] What is it called? [Knuckles] It's called you're a bitch.

[Knuckles] (In Eggman voice) Ooh, I'm Eggman! [Eggman] Ok, ok, ok.

.

.

[Knuckles] I'm gonna type on a computer, blah blah.

[Eggman] One, one, one.

Ok! [Eggman] So it all started here.

[Eggman] I was building all of these robots, [Eggman] and then I had bought at least four to five Apple watches on the same day.

[Eggman] And then, something happened.

[Eggman] In the middle of the lab, as the robots were working at it, [Eggman] there was some sort of bright resource coming from the middle.

[Eggman] And I had to go check it out, I had to see what it was.

[Eggman] And little did I know, it was a tiny piece of my braincell.

[Eggman] that I put inside of the machine so that way it could function around my mental main-men- [Eggman] my mental! My brain?! [Eggman] As you can see, I'm still missing the brain piece.

I haven't gotten it back.

[Eggman] It's glistening, it's shining, it's wonderful.

It reminds me of a piece of ham.

[Eggman] But then, my smartness was too much.

My IQ, [Eggman] risen, 'cause I watched Rick and Morty, and the robots had gained sentience.

[Eggman] and all they said were Rick and Morty quotes and talked about tires.

[SCR-HD] Wubba-flubba-dub-dub.

[SCR-HD] Riiiick.

[SCR-HD] Pickle Riiick! [SCR-HD] Pickle Riiick.

[SCR-HD] I am Tire Rick.

[Eggman] I didn't know what to do with myself so I spread out an emergency thing throughout the island.

[Eggman] Each of these cursors represent (wheezing laugh) my tentacles, what? [Sonic] What do they repre-oh, your t-your tentacles?! [Eggman] Look, I have a lot of secrets, okay? Jesus.

[Jet] I'll say, holy shit.

[Jet] I mean, tentacles? You-I-I'm very impressed but also very disturbed.

[Jet] (surprised hawk noise) [Jet] That's me being surprised about the tentacles.

[Storm] (panting) [Storm] (panting)[Amy] Wow! I'm really glad.

.

.

I took that extra.

.

.

course in.

.

.

[Storm] Please stop![Amy] the extracurriculars.

.

.

[Storm] My legs are numb![Amy] Run.

.

.

[Storm] I don't even know how long I've been following you! [Amy] Track team![Storm] I don't even know how long I've been following you! [Storm] I don't even know how long I've been following you! [Amy] Oh, God.

.

.

Fuck, I'm out of shape.

[Storm] Let me show you my YouTuber impressions! [Amy] I don't wanna! I choose you, ring! [Storm] OWW! [Storm] (dying noise) [Amy] How many concussions does it take to get to the center of your fuckin' head? [Amy] The answer is “a lot”! [Amy] A lot of concussions! [Amy] Now, I have one question for you, bucko! [Storm] Okay, anything! My eyes, they've-they've gone wonky! [Amy] You need to help me.

You need to be my friend and give me piggy-back rides every Friday! [Storm] Every Friday? [Amy] Every Friday.

[Storm] What about on holidays?[Amy] Every Friday.

[Amy] Alright, get ready, here I come for the piggy-back ride! [Storm] Alright, I'm leanin' over.

[Storm] Are you gonna get on or what? [Storm] I don't think you know what piggy-back rides are.

[Amy] It's an abstraction.

Hang on.

[SCR-HD] Beep.

piggy-back_ride.

exe initiating.

[Storm] Don't move.

[SCR-HD] Scanning.

Scanning, scanning, scanning.

[Storm] It can't see us if we don't move.

It's like a dinosaur, probably.

[SCR-HD] Fuckin' tire babyyyyyyyy.

[Amy] Wow that's a shitty fuckin' robot.

[Amy] Can't even look at stuff, that's dumb.

[Storm] Wow.

[Amy] What happened? Is this l- [Storm] Well, I think.

.

.

You know what, it saw the ring that I had.

[Storm] And you see this ring right here, it's much shittier.

[Storm] It got jealous and it was like “what's the fuckin' point of even trying?” [Amy] Holy shit.

[Storm] I think that's my current working theory, [Storm] I'm gonna eat this.

It looks like half a pretzel.

[Storm] And God, I'm hungry.

[Storm] There's not much food in this chroma nightmare that we call society.

[Amy] No, get back here! Hang on! [Storm] No, hahaha![Amy] I wanna develop a friendship with you! [Storm] So long, you dusty bitch! HAHA! [Sonic] Whoa! Huh? [Sonic] My Dusty Bitch senses told me to come over here.

[Amy] SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH YOU PIECE OF SHIT! [Amy] I DID NOT GO TO FOUR YEARS OF MASTERS' SCHOOL TO GET TO BE CALLED A DUSTY BITCH! [Sonic] Okay, what did you go for, though? Cause I can't tell.

[Tails] Sonic, look! There's a hunk of junk here! [Sonic] Yeah, a robot, too.

[Tails] And I'm not talking about you.

[Knuckles] Really got him that time.

Hey, what's up, Amy? [Amy] Nothing, you harlot.

What's up with you? Hey, look at this bitch.

[Amy] We just doing this now? We all standing around? A bunch of assholes standing in a line? Congratulations.

[Knuckles] Ah, fuck, she got us there, guys! Well.

(Penny wheeze) (cast losing it)[Tails] All right.

I think we need to figure out what we're gonna do about this.

[Tails] They got away with one of the rings, maybe two of them.

We gotta get the Apple watches back.

[Knuckles] No! [Amy] Wait, hang on, I have an idea.

[Amy] Okay, so if we split up and try to devise a plan of attack to go coordinated, [Amy] one by one after each member of the opposing team, then we'll each have the ability [Amy] to try to counter each one and get the rings, bring them back- [Amy] Ahh, fuck! I thought too much! [Amy] My brain, it's too smooth! [Tails] Come on, Amy! Come on, Amy![Amy] My brain, it's too smooth! [Knuckles] No, not your corpus callosum-! [Amy] My corpus callosum! That's right! [Amy] Hang on! [Sonic] Huh? Is college actually valuable? [Knuckles] College is extremely valuable.

You should all value your education.

[Knuckles] Back in 19-aught-7 when I first graduated from Princeton University I remember learning- [Tails] Ok, boomer, shut the fuck up.

[Tails] What the hell? Can we just find the rings and get over with it? I'm so done with everybody's shit.

[Knuckles] Wait a minute, I wasn't done! [Knuckles] -that I'm.

.

.

a really handsome guy.

[Knuckles] Now I'm done.

Are we gonna do this now? [Knuckles] We doing Amy's plan? [Knuckles] We're all agreeing that Amy came up with this, right? [Sonic] Yeah.

[Sonic] .

.

.

whh- two, three, four, five, six, here we go! (cast laughing) [Amy] I fuckin' hate all of you.

[Amy] I'm really glad that I grew past being your friends.

[Robot] Beep.

Group discourse located.

[Storm] Guys! Remember Hitclips? [Storm] I just ruu- I just found my Hitclips! My whole pouch full of them.

[Jet] Well, what are you waiting for? Sh- hand them over! I need to listen! [Storm] I found a bunch by Aqua.

[Storm] They're in this ring-shaped box.

[Jet] Wow.

[Storm] They're in this ring-shaped box.

[Storm] They're in this ring-shaped box.

[Jet] This is the best day of my life! [Storm] I was hoping you'd say that.

Ah, God, you got me all giddy now.

[Jet] How am I supposed to start discourse now? [Wave] Storm, thank goodness we found you.

You have not eaten yet.

[Wave] Your lunch is waiting in the fridge.

[Storm] Oh, thanks, I'll go get it soon.

[Storm] Uh, I was feeling pretty hungry.

Is it ham and cheese? [Eggman] What the fuck, those aren't cookies.

Ooh, I want one actually, nevermind.

[Jet] I could fuck up some cookies right now.

[Jet] Let's go.

We gotta! [Jet] We fuckin' gotta.

.

.

[Jet] Hit the fuckin' gas pedal all the way down- floor it, that's what you're supposed to say! [Jet] Wait.

Where'd- where'd the- where'd the Hitclips go? [Storm] Goddammit! That egg bitch.

[Eggman] (singing) Haha, I got the hit clips.

[Eggman] (singing) I'm starting discourse! [Eggman] (singing) I'm gonna cause problems on purpose! [Jet] No! I wanted to start the discourse![Eggman] (singing) I'm gonna cause problems on purpose! [Jet] No! I wanted to start the discourse! [Jet] You! Get me some more Hitclips.

[Chase] Is he pointing at the audience? [Penny] Everyone at home! [Blue] Choose your own adventure.

[Chase] Send your Hitclips to this P.

O.

box.

[Sonic] OK, so we're here now.

.

.

[Sonic] What are we doing- Where- [Amy] So we've come to the original location of the artifact.

[Amy] If we follow the protocols of museum: no learning! [Amy] Then the anthropological incentive would dictate- [Knuckles] There's nothing here! [Sonic] There's something here as long as you use your mind.

[Knuckles] I'm using my mind dude, there's nothing here.

[Knuckles] Not here, not there- oh! There's a hole.

[Sonic] Looks like college was no match for classic street learning, amirite buddy? [Tails] Yeah, shut the fuck up you piece of shit.

[Disembodied Robot Voice] Fox located, however, [Disembodied Robot Voice] attractiveness requirement has not reached levels of McCloud.

[Tails] This art is really beautiful.

[Amy] Hang on, wait a minute, we need an attractive person, step aside.

[Tails] I am an attractive person Amy! [Tails] I'm attractive inside and out.

I've got a good heart and a good soul and nobody seems to notice! [Tails] Nobody pays attention to me! [Knuckles] I paid attention bud.

[Tails] Yeah, but you don't appreciate me and that's what really matters.

[Knuckles] I appreciate you immensely buddy.

[Knuckles] That's why I need you to come over here and feel this crazy rock, holy shit.

(cast laughs) [Knuckles] It's really wild.

I'm reading it.

I learned braille back in 19-aught-7.

[Sonic] (disbelief) Braille!? [Knuckles] You ableist piece of shit, what the fuck are you even good for anyway.

[Tails] Yeah Sonic, why can't you be a good guy like Knuckles? Jesus.

[Tails] He's so mean Knuckles, I don't even know why I stay friends with him.

[Sonic] Wait-[Tails] I'm just trying to solve the mystery of these hit clip rings or Apple Watches or whatever they are.

[Tails] I'm just trying to solve the mystery of these hit clip rings or Apple Watches or whatever they are.

[Sonic] Wait, wait-[Tails] I'm just trying to solve the mystery of these hit clip rings or Apple Watches or whatever they are.

[Sonic] Serio- Wait, I've just been jokin' this whole time, [Sonic] do you really think I'm mean? [Tails] YES! Of course I think you're mean! [Tails] You say mean things to me! It's not a funny joke! [Sonic] What? [Tails] Oh no, my yelling caused an avalanche.

[Disembodied Robot Voice] Discourse detected.

[Tails] That's normal.

.

.

[Sonic] Huh?! [Tails] It looked like it was Eggman, and those other.

.

.

people.

[Knuckles] Alright.

Maybe if we work together, [Knuckles] we can decipher these clues and figure out where they might be trying to go next! [Knuckles] Or.

.

.

We could keep touching this crazy rock, LOOK HOW BIG IT IS! How'd the pictures get there? [Tails] Can- have you been able to decipher it yet? [Sonic] What's the texture like Knuckles? [Knuckles] It's rough.

.

.

(snicker) [Knuckles] It's real rough!(cast starts laughing) [Knuckles] Real rough and great.

[Tails] Well, th- normally rocks are rough, so, you got that one right, you're good, A+ on that.

[Tails] What does it say though? What's the text say, 'cause we gotta go follow Eggman [Tails] and get the rings back! [Knuckles] I don't know how to read Sumarian! [Sonic] I think it says whatever it needs to say.

[Tails] Sonic, that's not helpful.

I appreciate you for trying.

[Sonic] Everything I say is helpful, right? [Tails] That's.

.

.

part of the problem.

[Sonic] Huh? [Storm] Hey bitches.

[Jet] (hawk noises) [Sonic] Jet, what are you doing here? [Jet] Pointing at stuff.

[Storm] You're not even gonna acknowledge me? I greeted you.

[Sonic] It's great to point at stuff, but like I'm really confused about why we're all here.

[Sonic] It feels like destiny kinda just like, [Storm] Can you not, can you not hear?[Sonic] brought us here.

[Storm] I'm trying to have a conversation.

[Sonic] But like, why? [Wave] I used to think of myself as a slave to destiny, but I have realized, that we control- [Storm] This is ridiculous.

I'm trying to be more heard, and feel like I'm not being heard.

[Sonic] Shut the fuck up, you're not heard 'cause no one wants to hear you.

[Tails] Sonic, you need to do some serious self-adjustment my friend.

[Tails] Otherwise, we're gonna have to fight these people and that's not good 'cause we- [Tails] well we gotta work together, as a team.

[Amy] Yeah, we did establish we're friends at the end of the last one- I mean 5 years ago.

[Sonic] 5 years is a long time Amy, people change.

[Amy] I know.

[Sonic] Just.

Like.

Me! [Amy] Nope! You've been pretty consistently shitty bud.

[Jet] I can still skate really fast, that never changed.

[Sonic] And I can run faster than you can skate, so I say bring it on! [Sonic] To the top- oh that's you- [Jet] Well, that's me and I'm still pointing at stuff, and you should all come with.

[Sonic] Okay.

[Jet] Tricks are better with frieeeeennnnnddddsss.

[Amy] Wheeeeee.

[Tails] Let's go! [Wave] Here we go.

[Storm] Guys can I come? [Wave] Yes.

[Amy] Yeah, of course.

[Storm] Oh, thank you.

[Eggman] Hm ah, yes.

.

.

.

my Martha's stylopod- [Sonic] Wow! Look out! [Eggman] Woah no not again-OH GOD! ~Falling back~ [Eggman] ~I'm falling back~ [Tails] Stop, Eggman! [Eggman] Why am I still slow??? [Eggman] Ow-oh-oh! I'm dead.

[Storm] BrOKen spine.

[Wave] Eggman is dead once more.

[Eggman] No, please! Stop! [Eggman] The rin- [Storm] I can't believe Eggman died! [Robot] Error![Robot] Error! Error! Tire![Robot] Error, error, error, [Robot] Tire! Tire![Robot] Tire! Error![Robot] error, error, error.

.

.

[Robots] (keep going)[Eggman] What have you DONE? You've activated every [Eggman] single tire robot in existence! [Sonic] This is what you get for trying to put the Click 2 hit clips into the National Film Archive! [Knuckles] Wait, you tried to do WHAT!? [Knuckles] You're not allowed![Tails] What? Oh no! [Eggman] You've caused too much discourse! Wh-[Sonic] Wha- what's happening? [Eggman] The discourse is coming.

[Eggman] It's not gonna take long.

[Storm] It's the place! [Wave] Discourse? [Jet] I don't know what.

.

.

DIS COURSE of action will lead to.

[Sonic] Hoho, that was a good one, buddy.

[Sonic] Here, take these.

[Jet] Thanks! [Jet] I'm gonna sell these on the internet.

[Sonic] Okay, see ya later! Lemme know how it goes.

[Wave] I will analyze these.

[Wave] Put zem in box and dispose of zem properly.

[Wave] Oh, SHIT, it's an XBOX! (cast laughter) [Wave] Fack.

(cast laughter) (cast laughter) [Sonic] Okay.

I'm gonna do some soul-searching, but I don't really think I need to do a lotta changing.

[Tails] Listen Sonic, this is really important.

[Tails] It's important that you learn something, and you go to therapy, and you take something from this.

[Sonic] I'll have to get a second opinion, but I'm hearin' ya.

[Tails] No you're not! The fact that you need a second opinion means you're not listening! [Knuckles] Waitaminute! The ROCK! I reMEMbered something! [Tails] (gasp) They forged them in the fires of friendship! [Tails] We have to be friends! [Sonic and Knuckles] What? [SCR-HD] (softly) t ir e.

? [Robot] Friendship Is The True Magic [Robot] Of Scientific Advancement.

[Tails] Oh no! [Robot] XBOX acquIREEed.

[Tails] Oh no, no, no![Robots] I will use this to create my friends.

[Sonic] Whoa! Where are you going with that thematically unrelated XBOX? [Robot] 1.

.

.

2.

.

.

3.

.

.

4.

.

.

[Sonic] We gotta get that thing back, [Robot] (continues counting) [Sonic] it's important for some reason! And also, you don't talk to me.

[Robot] (continues counting) [Eggman] I'm not doing anything! [Sonic] Exactly! [Eggman] Well, you have to go to Pompeii to get the fuckin rings of friendship, I have to fix this rig! [Eggman] You've ruined a lot of things, Sonic.

You've always been bitch.

ALWAYS.

[♬ “There Goes Hawaii” Orchestral Rendition by Laura Platt ♬] [Eggman] JEsus.

[Knuckles] Are you guys okay? [Knuckles] Sorry Sonic knocked you over like that.

[Tails] Are you okay? Sonic! [Tails] We gotta go get the rings of friendship so that we can fix everything! [Sonic] Wait! Why am I being blamed for everything? (cast laughing) (cast laughing)[Tails] Maybe it's because you're a little BITCH! (cast laughing) [SCR-HD] Beep, activating Friendship Cycle.

.

.

.

[Eggman] oOh, Pompeii's shakin' up the place.

[Knuckles & Tails] whOOa.

.

.

[Storm] Omygod [Eggman] Everybody hold onta something.

[Storm] It's gettin' all wavy! [Eggman] Jesus Christ- Jesus, oh god.

.

.

[Jet] This is probably fine.

[Eggman] Wait- oh- oh, I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself, I don't know what's gonna happen! [Eggman] If the Pompeii's gone, there's no vacation! [Sonic] Huh? (gasp)[Jet] (hawk noise) [Sonic] They turned up the graphics settings! [Alfred] wh- WHH?? [Chase] Oh my god! (All characters screaming) [Eggman] What's happening? [Alfred] (wheezing) wh- are you fucking kidding meee? [SCR-HD] WELCOME TO THE END OF THE LINE.

[Jet] Oh no! (All characters yelling “no!”) [SCR-HD] Time to activate the world's largest SUCC.

[Wave] Oh my god.

[Storm] Sonic, this is all because you were being a jackass! [Sonic] No! No, it can't be! [Tails] I'm gonna get sucked outside![Knuckles] Hey, does anybody know where Amy went? [Tails] Please, SO- AAA-[Knuckles] No![Sonic] Tails! Oh! [Sonic] I gotcha! [Eggman] (chuckling) Finally, you all can die! [Eggman] Yes! This is the chaos I wanted- seeya.

[Jet] Now we have to go in there and-.

[Wave] Jet, I vill follow you anyvhere.

Just tell me where to go.

[Sonic] We have to go in there and get the XBOX back! [Tails] Cmon, let's go![Knuckles] Cyaaa! [Sonic] Whoa.

.

.

[Knuckes] YEET! [Jet] Alright.

We're playin' the Halo 2![Sonic] Here we gooo! [Storm] Why are we following them? What the fu- [Jet] (hawk scream) (wheeze)[Chase] f- OH my gOd.

(assorted “the fuck?” “excUse me?” and “jEsus chrIST”s) [Sonic] OoH.

[Blue] Cool JPEG.

[Jet] Ugh.

.

.

where.

.

? Where ARE we? Is this XBOX? [Sonic] We're in the world of thematic resolution, Jet.

[Sonic] It's a needed climax.

[Sonic] DID YOU TAKE US HERE? [Jet] I-[Sonic] I'm gonna kill you! (both yelling)(cast laughing) [Blue] The fUck is happening? [Sonic] Jet, do you think I've been a dick to everybody? (wheezing, choked laughter) [Sonic] I need'ya to answer me, buddy, please! [Sonic] Please tell me I'm a good person.

[Sonic] Please, deep down, just tell me I'm a good person.

[Jet] (sigh) [Jet] Bitch.

.

.

[Jet] You have been SO fuckin' rude.

.

.

.

[Jet] To EVERYONE.

[Jet] All the time.

[Sonic] I have to go say I'm sorry! [Sonic] Right now.

[Sonic] hUUh! [Jet] Ok bye![Sonic] Here I gOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [Sonic] Here I gOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (cast laughing) [Knuckles] Hey it's Tails! [Tails] Yeah? Whassup, Knuckles? [Tails] Y'know, I'm just really broken up about- [Knuckles] I'M broken up, in my NECK.

[Tails] Oh god.

.

.

My body.

.

.

Just a mess of limbs and goobledeegobs.

.

.

[Knuckles] whhHOOOA! It'sssure is! [Tails] Anyway-[Sonic] Hey Tails, you look really broken up right now and I know exactly why.

[Sonic] Hey Tails, you look really broken up right now and I know exactly why.

[Tails] Oh do you?[Sonic] I'm SORRY.

[Knuckles] Sonic- what? [Tails] What? [Tails] You're sorry? For what? [Tails] Say it, motherfucker, you won't.

[Sonic] I'm sorry for being a stupid smelly little bitch! (some more laughter) [Wave] Oh no, where am I going? [Sonic] Okay?! I mean it! [Sonic] I really do.

From the bottom of my heart- [Sonic] Hey, Wave.

[Wave] Hello.

[Wave] I am here to act as ze third party.

I am Tails' therapist.

[Sonic] I can't understand a word you're saying but that's okay 'cause we're all hearts and minds together! [Tails] Sonic, I need you to understand- [Breen] Hey.

[Jet] Oh dear- (cast exclaiming in confusion and laughter)[Chase] WELCOME TO CITY SEVENTEEN- [Chase] He's here![Jet] Fuck it up, fuck it up- [Breen] What's up? So yeah.

'member how I said 'Welcome to City 17' and everything? [Jet] Fuck it up, fuck it up-[Breen] What's up? So yeah.

'member how I said 'Welcome to City 17' and everything? [Breen] Yeah.

So I may have, uh, created this whole universe.

[Breen] Uhh, see, we came up with this thing called SEGA and- [Breen] (screaming and grunting) [Breen] Sorry, I was thinkin' bout Sonic Forces.

[Storm] Hoo.

.

.

I don't feel so good.

.

.

[Storm] Why are all my limbs slack!? [Storm] Why can't I move my eyes!? [Storm] Why can't I move my mouth? Is this an internal dialogue?! [Storm] I can't see the end of the horizon- [Storm] 𝙃𝘼𝙏𝙎𝙐𝙉𝙀 𝙈𝙄𝙆𝙐? 𝙄𝙎 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐? [Storm] Have you fought back to come put me out of my misery?! [Storm] Please! [Storm] I don't like feeling like a slack 3-dimensional model.

[Miku] Hmm.

.

.

you're gonna have to beg a little bit harder than that, motherfucker! [Storm] (sobbing) Please! PleASE! [Storm] This is not the kind of existence I can keep going with- [Miku] What will YOU give ME?[Storm] This is not the kind of existence I can keep going with- [Storm] I will give you the satisfaction of snuffing out another life.

[Storm] Please, just this once-[Miku] Mmmm, not sure if that's enough.

[Jet] What's goin' on over here, pals? [Jet] Is that fucking Hatsune Miku? [Jet] Are you asking for death from Hatsune Miku? [Miku] (brightly) YEP! [Jet] Me next, me next, me next! [Miku] 𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂 [Miku] mAYbe.

[Storm] Certainly you feel this horrible diminished existence too, Jet.

[Storm] I can't be the only one who feels he is less than whole.

[Storm] Please.

[Miku] What can YOU offer me? [Jet] I feel.

.

.

Like, a ragdoll being manipulated.

[Miku] Fuck, can't imagine.

[Red] WHAT the fuck is that? [Red] WHAT the fuck is that???? It's a Strider! [♬ “Fist Bump” from Sonic Forces OST ♬][Miku] Hold on, lemme uh.

.

Lemme get that real quick.

[Miku] URGH.

DIE! DIE! DIE, motherfucker, DIE! [Miku] It's not dying! [Strider] (̷̶̡̞̳͖̜͇̳͎̺͍ͨ̃͑̅̈́̅͌ͨͩ͛̌̑̇ͫ͋ͥ̓̀S̶͉̥̪̦̏ͨ̍ͤ̂͐̃ͮ̍̅̆̃͛̆̋͒͛ͮ̽͘͘ţͬͨͧ̓̓͂̐́ͬ̄̓ͨ̏͆͞͏̳͈̙̺͈̬͙͙̞̺̮̝͇̻̮̠̤͉̻r̒̈́̓͆̓͐̎͑҉̴͓̖͇͇̦̣͘i̧̳̜̗̹̣̜̣̭̘͚̅̒̎ͨ̉̑̆͑ͯͣ̑̒̔͘d̩̥͕̞͉͖̂ͨ̃̊̏̓̾ͭͬ͒̈̋͞͠ě̵̟͔̟̼͙͕͙͓̺̒͊ͣ͌̽͋ͩͬͦͦ̂̉̃͋͌ͦ͑͗̀͡͝ŗ̶̮̝͎͎̪̹͖̯̠̰̉ͭ̋͂̾͋̓ͮ́͢ͅ ̸̧̢͉̠̪̭̮͔̫̝̀́̀ͧ̀͗̇̃̓͌ͮ̈̉̏̏̂͡ͅNͪ͗̿ͦ̓ͨͩ͒̐̈̓͊̉ͦ̏͐̈̓̚͏̢̛͍̫̲͖̯̲͙̥̘̠̰̥͇̹͇̙̳̜͢͢ͅo̧̨͔͖̭͍͍̫͔̲̻ͥ̓̉̏͑͒́ị̡͔͇̜̉ͥ̒ͧͭ̎ͣ̓͡͠s̛̽͋̐͏̥̬͖̬̱̦̤͉ȩ̷̷̢̟͖̠̘̜͇̟̱̫͕̙̖͓͙͂͋ͫ̓͋̃̍̓̿͘s̺͈̖̳̗͍̮̙̬͕͎̖ͧ́ͦͫ̅̇͆ͦ͌͛͂̌̋̍̐ͪ́̕͜)̴̨̛̰̲̯͈͍̻̼̗̰̩̩̦̦̜̿͗ͬͪͧ̐ͦ̒͟ [Miku] Still not dying! [Miku] Okay one more- one more, I think, is gonna do it.

[Strider] H̶̦̟͓̙̘̲̭͖̮̗̟́͐̐͆̇̎̒̉̚̚͜͝i̵̱̦͙͓͔̭̋̽̈́̇͐͆̎̀͌̀̾̿̚͠p̴̫̳̞̜̙̰̯̥̺̥̒̒̃̐͋͘͝p̷̨̨̢̱̮͉̱̘̰͚̝͊͌͋̈͒̀̿͝î̶̖̣̮̝͍̃t̴̨̖̖͔̝̜͓͙͇̂͘ͅy̵̫̹̝̖͎͎̯̤̤͉̗͇̭̫͒́̽͐̾̾ͅ ̴̞͈̲̳͓͔̘̆͛̇ͅh̵̖̻̺̘̦͑̏̍̈́̿̎̄͂͐̔̇̽̕͘͜o̷̤͖͈̩͙̖̯͖̮͍͈͎̝̔̀̾̇͗̿̾̒̄͒̕͘̚͘͜p̶̨̧̟͉̞͖̯̮̱̞̈́̈́̽́̉̍̄̂̏̍̊͝p̴͇͎̙͖̭̦̝̣̦̲͇̂̏̽̽͛̈́̀͐̌̑̔̅͜͠͠͝i̶̡̱̲͕͂̏̈́̓̀̆́̂͋̚͘ţ̴̡̣̲̲̤͎̲̜̳͊̈́̍͛̈́͒̓͌̑y̸͙̮͍̯͉̒̉͗̾̄͑̍̒̐̕, ̷̠̥͙̪̎̈́̾͠ ̴̨̨̡̡͔̞̞̩̯͉̻͚̲͑̾̈́̈́̇̍͘͝͝g̵̛͉̉̎̑̉́́́͝e̶̟̩̤̞̩͈̲͂́ṫ̵̡̛͇̝̪̭̭͇̜̫̫̊̄͑́͑̎̕͠ ̶̧̨̨̪̦̙͓͔̍́̂̌ṯ̸̨̨̛̛͔̼̟̠͔͙̺̔̎̽͑̽̅̑̾͠ͅh̷͓̱̫̮̥̓̈́̚͝i̶̥̩̲͓̦̩̯̫̠̖͊̏̏̎̑̂̑̓́͘͠͝ͅş̷̨̱̺̙̟̠̞̘̝̹͚̖̎͆̿̆́̂́̇̈͋̈́̕͜ ̵̘̰̻͉̯̗͍̤̦̩̝͈̩͊͗̈́̊͆ͅw̷̧̨͕͓̣͚͚̫̖̯̰̞̟̑̓͆̏̍͑̅̈́̇̕a̷̡̲̮̘̭̖̩̪̬͇̤̿̍̔͐̽͒̊̃̽̚͜͝͠ͅỉ̴̫̼̗̜̯̠̩̲͚̳̫̣̝̘̥͑͌f̵̡̟̤͕͚̓̆̚u̶̡̙͙̪͇̥̹̻̥̝̼͐̆̏̒͂͒̋̀͜͝ ̷̝͔̪͓̘̯͚̄̑̊̓̃̎̈́͌͝o̷̖̥̠͔̟̞̝̘͚͍̻̠̮̠̯̿͌͗f̸̨̖̠͕̳̳̌͒̾͐̒̓̆̑̊͐̚f̶̢̛͖̯̼̣͎̯̼͙̜̝̜̮͈̄̑́ ̷͚͙̺͍̏̊͌̅͛̆̃͐͗̕͝m̸̢̛̻̗̤͉̖̼̳̹͙̞̩͓̫̒͆̾̈̅̈́̋͊̕͝y̷̝͒̏̅̂̀̋̔̈́͆͆ ̸̡̩̲̘̄̉̏͂̃̽̿͌̚͝ͅp̴͍̲̖͈̯̣̮͋͗̓̃̊r̵̺͉̯͇̐͐͌̕͝ǫ̶̨̜͙̤͖̤̐͑̅̓͌̓́̍p̷̥͖̲͚̖͛̒̐̀̃̀͑͐̉͂̏ẽ̷̹̝̠̹̤̣͋͑͊̃̄̾͊̀͌͜ȓ̸̞͋̓̄̓͘̕t̸͉͔͖̫̆͒͂̆̾̈́̄̾̓̆̕̚͝y̶̥͈͖̘̗̗̹̬͈͓͇̭̜̅́̈͒̋̿̑͌̿͝ [Sonic] Oh god, Hatsune Miku is DEAD! [Tails] Oh god.

.

.

[Wave] No! Then who will make Minecraft 2!? [Tails] Oh no, here it comes! [Strider](̷̡̛͎̜̜͉̝͓̣͖̼̙̋̒̔͂̽S̸͖̻̩̥̙̣͎͇̰̪͌̀̏̌̽̍̍̀̂̄̔͛͘͜͠t̴̞͙̰̑̓̔͌̀̀͒̉͌́͗́r̵̜̻̬̝̀̾͊̀́́̀̚͝i̶̲͕͖̲̬͖̅̆̅̎͐̄̀͊̄̍̇̀͒͆͐d̴̽͐͗̂̀̐̾̓ͅé̴̙̹̻̙͙̼̞̗̞̾̐̂̿͋̔͝͠r̵̛̘̩̗̞̞͚̠͓̆̑͌̔̀̂̕͘̚͝ ̶̡̡̻͙̘̬͓̱̟̍b̴̘̲̖̫̯̯̜̰̳̐͌̏̈̔̾̋̀a̸̝̥͖̙̦̼̙̠̪̲̞̋̊̈́͒̿̉͋̍t̴̡̡̻̖̖̮̲͙͕̻̯̆t̴̨̙̱̙̥̺̻̠̻͕̞́̆̅̂̄̅̀̈́̂͛l̶̨̙̠͍̹̏̄͐͐ͅe̸̩̜̰̰̊̊̎͌̑ ̸̡̞̲̫̥̻͕̤̣̯̬̍̏̽̂̌̿͑̽̇ç̶̛̥͓̗̭̼̮̝̤͔͕̗̼̳͊̆́͋͑̂̋̚͘͜r̵̨̮̺̳̩̬͈̞͙̳͓̯̺̒̓͑̐̚y̷̧̛̗̠͍̲̙̲̠̮̭̣͌̊͝)̷̮̗̤̦̥̄̈́̎̓͋̌ [Knuckles] I'll take care of this one! (fighting grunts and screams by everyone) [Wave] I am here- [Jet] Friendship kick! [Tails] Take that! [Sonic] When all of my friends are in need.

.

.

[Sonic] I'll deliver the finishing blow! [Sonic] We got the XBOX back! [Ryan] I don't use the word “fucking stupid” loosely, [Miku] Remember meee.

.

.

.

[Miku] Hello? [Storm] After this experience, I don't think I'll ever be whole again.

[Jet] Honestly? I feel pretty good about everything that happened in the hell dimension.

[Jet] It's- It's not bad.

We made friends! [Storm] A piece of me is forever soiled and I don't think I'll ever be able to experience again.

[Jet] Wheeeeeeeeeee! [Amy] So this is why Imma write my thesis on why building your masculinity- [Tails] That sounds really interesting Amy.

[Amy] I know.

Building your masculinity based upon Adam Sandler's comedy stylings is a recipe for toxicity [Amy] and will only lead to problems within the tech sector.

[Amy] The XBOX, the GameCube 3, Eggman's robots, and the Apple Watch were all symptoms of the same toxically masculine system [Tails] See Sonic? This is what happens.

[Amy] that led to Sonic's problems.

[Sonic] I understand now.

I really do.

[Tails] I'm really glad you figured out, 'n changed your toxically masculine ways.

[Tails] Now you can be a good boy, just like me.

[Amy] And me! [Knuckles] What? (cast laughing again) [Red] What the fuck.

[Miku] I'll make sure.

.

.

that.

.

.

it doesn't hurt anyone else ever again.

[Miku] I'll stay with it.

On this island.

On this planet.

[Sonic] Is that Hatsune Miku? [Sonic] In the cl- oh you missed her.

She was just here.

[Amy] Wait a minute.

[Amy] You guys met Hatsune Miku without me? [Sonic] Yeah, something like that.

[Tails] It's ok Amy, she wasn't that cool.

[Jet] NYEEEVROOOOM [Sonic] JET! [Sonic] I was just thinking about you![Jet] Hey there.

[Jet] WOW! Do you wanna play some Mario Kart? [Sonic] Yeah, I do buddy.

Yeah, I do.

[Sonic] LET'S GO! [Jet] Wheeeeee![Tails] Ok, I'll catch up with you later Sonic! [Tails] Ok, I'll catch up with you later Sonic! [Sonic] Yeah![Tails] Ok, I'll catch up with you later Sonic! [Jet] Nyoooooommmmm.

[Sonic] See you later guys! [Sonic] Sonic the Hedgehog is a good person now! [Amy] Who hasn't learned a single fucking thing.

[Jet] Horrayyy! [Sonic] YEAH! [♬ “Catch Me If You Can” (Zero Gravity version) by Runblebee ♬] ♬ No turning back we were born to dream ♬ ♬ In a world full of seeing what we never could reach ♬ ♬ Air time makes on a wind, I'd be ♬ ♬ Like life right by just a blur you see ♬ ♬ One mind, too wild, stuck in divinity ♬ ♬ Hawk tail, wing, claw — heaven sent a Jessy ♬ ♬ A speed rush tweak to a melancholy, victory ♬ ♬ Your chance don't stand ♬ ♬ No one near my class of heat ♬ ♬ The rule of the wind is to never get beat ♬ ♬ Don't hedge, don't hog; you're put to the test ♬ ♬ Like Jet, as hawk, I'll rattle your nest ♬ ♬ I never come down, I'm high alone ♬ ♬ Bred from a genie with wings and throne ♬ ♬ Jet, fire hawk; the sky is me ♬ ♬ All for speed I was born to be ♬ ♬ Born to be! Born to be! ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ There's no turnin' back ♬ ♬ Reach, but never catch ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ You can't fathom that ♬ ♬ Wonders you can have ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ No turnin' back, we were born to dream ♬ ♬ In a world full of seeing what we never could reach ♬ ♬ Air time makes on a wind, I'd be ♬ ♬ Like life right by just a blur you see ♬ ♬ One mind, too wild, stuck in divinity ♬ ♬ Hawk tail, wing, claw — heaven sent a Jessy ♬ ♬ A speed rush tweak to a melancholy, victory ♬ ♬ Your chance don't stand ♬ ♬ Chaos in the emeralds, life is ephemeral ♬ ♬ Whatcha gonna do? Nothin' is perpetual ♬ ♬ World domination, advanced technology ♬ ♬ Haven't got the interest in that form of glory ♬ ♬ Put me in the air, and my speed will leave ♬ ♬ All in a shine like a miracle weave ♬ ♬ I just won't stop; the treasure's with me ♬ ♬ I said it before, I was born to be.

.

.

♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ There's no turnin' back ♬ ♬ Reach but never catch ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ You can't fathom that ♬ ♬ Wonders you can have ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ We are born to dream ♬ ♬ Nothing can't be done ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ There's no turning back ♬ ♬ Reach but never catch ♬ ♬ You can't fathom that ♬ ♬ Wonders you can have ♬ ♬ Catch me ♬.