The Absolute WORST Spider-Man Game | Shemp

[fighting noises] [cackles] Yes, good! Now.

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kill me.

No.

I'm not like you.

Just do it.

Do it! Yeah, just fuckin' do it! What? Jus—Just do it.

Just kill him, dude! Yeah, do it.

Fuckin' bitch! What are youse, a bitch? Wait, hold on.

Kill.

Him.

It's really not that hard.

Like, at all.

Fuckin' pussy! Jesus Christ, dude.

Honestly, it's not that hard, man.

Yeah, watch.

Jesus, dude! See? Not that h— [grunts] Easy, yeah? Sh-Should we.

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? I'm honestly surprised you haven'tbeen killing the other thugs.

It's that easy.

Pussy.

Guys! Enough! I'm not a killer.

I'm a hero.

I help people who need me the most.

What happens to criminalsafter I stop them isn't up to me.

What is up to me are my morals.

And I will never kill.

Ever.

Got it? Holy shit, I know whoSpider-Man— [grunts] [Caption+ by JS*https://caption.

plus] ♪ [opening theme] Hey guys!It's me, Shemp, always letting you knowif you should shelve it or trash it, and as of recording this, it's been about nearly five years since I covered the firstAmazing Spider-Man game, which is.

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really weird to think about, 'cause I still remember being in my roomfiddling with my shitty little capture card, trying to make sureeverything was recording right.

Now, if I remember correctly, I remember thinking the game waspretty good back then, and today it's still.

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pretty good.

It's not the greatest Spider-Man gameof all time, obviously, but I still think it's okay.

Now, a lot of people forget thatthere is indeed a second game.

Now, when on the topic of the movie, people will shit on it, no problem.

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but forget the game, and.

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I don't blame them.

Good god, okay.

I'm so gladI actually took notes this time.

You think the movie's story was bad? Oh god, it's gonna look likea Stephen King masterpiece after this.

If you've played the first game, you'll know that the game's story wasan epilogue to the first movie, which is cool, and it was non-canon, so they could really tell their own story.

This game, just.

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It's not an epilogue, for whatever reason.

It's its own story, plus the movie.

So the game starts off with a scenefrom the first movie, I guess.

Peter walks out with somegood ol'.

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Hold on, hold on, hold on! Is that Peter? Is that supposed to beAndrew Garfield? I mean, it looks like himin the opening painting, but.

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Jesus Christ.

Okay, okay.

He leaves with some milk, and the place gets robbed.

You know, like the first movie.

But in the first movie, we know thatthe clerk was kinda being a dick, so when he gets robbed, Peter's like, “Nah, not my problem.

” But this game doesn't show that.

It literally starts with the robbery, and we never get a flashback or anything, so Peter saying “Not my problem”just kinda seems like he's being a huge asshole for no reason.

Hey! God damn, that guy stole the cash register! Sorry, bud.

Then Uncle Ben gets killed, and, you know, water continues to be wet.

I mean, I'm not surprised.

It's kind-of Marvel law thatevery Spider-Man-related thing has to have some sort of scenewhere Uncle Ben dies.

I guess Spider-Man PS4 wasa hot pile of garbage then.

So flash-forward to now, Peter still hasn't found Uncle Ben's killer, but.

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he did.

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didn't he? I don't remember.

I'll have to rewatch the first movie.

He looks for the killer, doesn't find him, then we meet up withthis thug, Herman Schultz.

He escapes by literally justmoving his hand, and the, you know, the webbingcomes off his hand.

Whatever.

Peter pouts like a little bitch, Stan Lee says hi.

Really, nothing happensin the beginning.

When Peter does find the killer, he somehow.

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escapes with a hostage? We free the hostage, and then find the guy dead.

But, we see that he was murdered by this guy who wrote “CK” withthe thug's blood on the wall.

Now that's what I call edgy! Peter pays Aunt May a visit, and tells her that the guywho killed Uncle Ben is dead, and Peter just starts questioning if it's okayto like the fact that he's dead.

This.

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is a recurring theme in the game.

You'll see why.

On the news, we see that CK is an initial fora serial killer known as the Carnage Killer, who gets off by killing other thugs(!) I wonder who that is(!) Before we have time to learn more, Russians invade Oscorp!Yeah, this is how we meet Max Dillon.

Don't remember that happeningin the movies.

So, Max goes and fucks off, then Herman Schultz pops up as Shocker We beat himand ask him a few questions.

Shocker tells us that there'sa gang war happening because everyone's afraid ofthe Carnage Killer.

Apparently the killer isso scary and powerful that even the Russian mafia aresmuggling in guns to protect themselves, even though he's just a dude.

So here's where the main story, if youcan call it that, actually starts.

With all these gangs going to warand the Carnage Killer on the loose, Harry, along with Wilson Fisk's cock, announce that they're both fundinga new task force that will help the city.

Also, Kraven says hi.

Now, you guys probably think thatI'm skipping a lot to fit all of this in.

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but I'm not.

Everything I'm telling you iswhat the game tells you.

There's absolutely no flow or actual progression, so.

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let's keep going! Okay, this is really rare, but I'm actuallygoing to.

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praise the game here.

Kraven is the best part about this game.

Well.

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Kraven in the beginning.

We'll explain more later.

So throughout the game, you'll be given these extremely pointless Mass Effect-styledialogue choice options.

They do nothing for the story, and every answer is something you couldfigure out by just playing the game.

I usually skip every one of them, because again, they don't matter.

But with Kraven, I picked every question, because I wanted to hear more.

I really like this version of Kraven.

He's also got this badass voice.

He tells us that he came here because ofthe experiments Oscorp was doing.

If you've played the first game, you'll know thatthese cross-species are a big theme.

Kraven helped get rid of all of them, and wanted to stay in New York.

He stresses how he hates Fisk, and how everyone whoworks with him is a coward for not helping proveall the illegal shit he's done.

Kraven wants to help endthis huge crime wave, but with Fisk funding this huge task force, he can't really do anything.

Remember this! It's clear that Kraven is extremely skilled, but doesn't kill for the hell of it.

He really wants to do good, and that's why I really likethis version of Kraven.

And I like this more because Kraven works with usto help find the Carnage Killer.

I love the thought of this version of Kravenand Spider-Man working together.

It just sucks that it's in this game.

So Kraven helps us find a Russian hideoutthat has more info on the Carnage Killer.

But wait! The Russiansalso want to kill Fisk! So we sneak in and stop them, blah blah blah.

Oh hey, Carnage! Spidey and Kraven finally findCletus Kasady, the Carnage Killer, torturing this guy for.

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whatever.

Kraven tells him to wait, Spidey says no, and then they fight.

So here's where this whole plot deviceof Spider-Man killing comes into play.

Cletus tells Spidey that killing criminals is the right thing to doinstead of capturing them.

Obviously, he says that's stupidand he doesn't kill.

But Cletus is very pushyto get him to kill someone.

After beating him, Kraven comes down to tell himthat you should have killed Cletus.

So not only is the crazed lunatictrying to make us murder, but our mentor is also trying toforce us to murder.

Remember when this was a movie game? So far, the movie is extremely absent.

And apparently, the developers forgot too, because next up, we fight Black Cat.

Nothing happens, besides her telling us that she was experimented onwith cross-species genetics, and how she did it for Spider-Man, because “I love you!” “And I want you to love me!Let's run away together!” Jesus Christ, that's all this is! Just Black Cat being a bad character.

Now we meet up with Harry and tell himthat Fisk is actually the Kingpin.

Remember that scene in the movie? Now, we learn that Fisk actually hired Kraven, and Harry had no idea! Remember when Kraven told us he hated Fiskand people who work with him are cowards?! God, my head hurts! Turns out, Kraven was secretlytaking it up the ass by Fisk when Peter left! Then the game tries to tell usthat Peter believed Kraven because he had daddy issuesor something? What is happening?! So Harry is convinced that Spider-Man's bloodwill cure his rare Goblin disease, (Spoilers!) because Spider-Man isthe only living test subject from a cross-species mutation.

And I like that the game is actuallytrying to explain this somewhat, and explain why it's a bad idea.

Basically, without the proper testing, it could just kill Harry.

So then, we go back to Kraven's houseto get answers! He is nowhere in sight, and I have to say, this is a really nice touchwhen you come back.

I really, really like this little addition.

Turns out that Kraven was juststudying Spider-Man to kill him.

So.

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why was he mentoring us?! He just taught us everything he knew.

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so he could fight us? What? While fighting Kraven, we get back to the whole”Why won't you kill, Spider-Man?” theme that's really overdone and unnecessary.

If you think I'm joking, Kraven asks youto kill him after you beat him.

Kraven gives us the map to Fisk's hideout, we fight him, and he just.

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sits in a chair casuallyafter we beat him.

[fighting sounds] Okay, you won.

So we go hack into Kingpin's systemand the power goes out.

Turns out Max Dillon is causinga ruckus in Times Square.

Oh hey! The movie! Holy shit, we did it guys!We looped back into the movie! He's dead.

So, that movie's plot's over, so.

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what's next? Okay, Harry gets the Spider-stufflike from the movie.

Oh, and also.

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Carnage.

I don't think they everexplained the symbiote.

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ever.

Just.

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Carnage now.

Okay, Harry turns into Gobli— That's his voice?! I just.

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um.

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So then, Harry dies.

Just because.

Then Carnage takes overa prison that he was in, and then he makes the goonsturn into symbiote goons.

He said it! Then Cletus climaxes fromtalking about death stuff more, then the game.

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just ends.

My God, I need anything! Drugs! Okay, now that we'redone with.

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that nightmare, does the game at least play well? No! Let's start with.

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positives, I guess.

Um, the web swinging has been changedsince the last game.

Now, swinging left and right is mappedto the left and right triggers, which is cool.

So if there's a building on your left, you know, swing with your left hand.

If you need to speed up, you hold down both triggers.

It's a cool concept, and it's fun to swing around.

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Sometimes.

I dunno, it just doesn't havethe polish that it needs, like the rest of the game.

And, uh.

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Uh.

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Something else, uh.

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It.

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runs on my PC? And, that's really it.

The rest of the game is just bad.

Like, not even fun-bad.

Just bad-bad.

The combat is basically the samefrom the first game, just with, like, one or two newadditions and animations, I guess.

It's usually just swing, fight, swing, fight, swing, fight, with no flair or interest.

The only thing I can think ofthat I actually enjoy playing were these Russian hideout missions.

You could find these all over the map.

They're basically just pretty cool, little stealth missions with different layouts every time.

And once you beat everyone, you're rewarded with a new suit.

I like this way of unlocking new costumes.

It's fun! But that's it.

The game also introducesthis hero-and-menace system, which, in concept, is a really cool idea.

Basically, the idea is thatif you ignore people in need, your Menace meter goes up, which slowly turns the city against you.

Help everyone in need, and your Hero meter goes up.

The problem is that these aretied to optional side missions that aren't really optional anymore.

Sometimes, one of these missions canpop up kinda far away from you, and you wouldn't know unless you'reconstantly stopping to look at your map.

So when the timer runs outon them, too bad! Here's some Menace points.

Which gets pretty annoying, especially whenthe task force comes into the game.

They'll just pop electric fields in front of youto stop your flow.

It's a really cool ideawith a very bad execution.

There's really nothing else to this.

The story missions suck, the AI is so broken it hurts, the city is dull and lifeless, the bloom is so goddamn high so you're constantly reminded thatit's a “next generation experience!” Like the last game, this one was developed by Beenox, and I just have one questionfor you guys.

What happened? Guys, come on, I know you're better than this.

This is hilariously rushedand slapped together.

I don't get it.

Was it Activision?Was it Sony? Who was at fault here? Regardless of the problem, what should you do? Shelve it.

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or trash it? Well, as you can probably tell already, this game is awful.

There is no redeeming factor of this whatsoever.

Everything about this packageis just offensively bad.

I may go as far as to say thatthis is the worst 3D Spider-Man game ever.

So with that said, trash it.

I missed.

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